There was this man Ah Liang who brought to jail because he smuggled heroine, cigarette through the causeways .The day he was caught. It was cold, raining when he was caught He was caught at orchard road; A plain cloth policeman nabbed him down.
He didn’t struggle. He did a mistakes and this wasn’t his first time doing such things. He lived a frugal and time wasting life. He used to be a taxi driver, but he found the income generated wasn’t fast enough for him. His wife wouldn’t yell at him that it is not enough. Years later, his wife left him. Thus that started his whole life came crashing down. He lost his family, and his wife asked for a divorce while she was pregnant with a baby boy.
Divorce was harsh for him. But been poor was unbearable .Thus, he wanted fast cash. He decided to do it the easy way out smuggling things, drugs was part of them. He sold them to ah pek and uncles who wanted to get cheap cigarettes .They would said ,”Go down to Hougang 25 S11 store, look for Ah Liang who usually drink Gunnies Stout or Tiger beers ,flirting with china beer lady who were here for their studying children ( taking some English course ) or married to Singapore Ah pek , found that he couldn’t afford to feed her .Ended up to be a beer lady. Ah Liang would flirt around with them, open several bottles. And Ah Pek would come to him for non taxed cigarattes.He would go to downtown pubs like Bangkok disco pub to get rid of his drugs. It was fast and easy cash for it.
When the time, he was sentenced to death sentence. He wasn’t rich enough to look for any lawyers .Thus he was sentenced. He remembers he had a son. His wife was in bad relationship with him and didn’t let his son know his existence. So he decided to write to his teenage son.
Dear Xiong,
I guess I am the father whom your mum didn’t tell you. I had been busying working hard all these years. I had saved up a lot for your varsity education. As I never made it to my O levels, I realized looking for a job is not easy for me. I am working in Malaysia, I do come home once a while .You could reply the letter to the address below.
Liang asked his good friend Siwei to bring those letters to him .As He asked his son to post all letter to Siwei’s house.
The letter was posted by the prison warden .But no replies was given .Toward a man waiting for death sentence. It is a long wait.
He wrote 2nd letter. He really hopes to see his son.
Dear Xiong ,
I wrote to you ,but you didn’t reply . Is u busy at school? Dad as usual been having classes here. Had you and mum living well? Do write back asp .
Again there were no replies for half a year .
.
This time ,he visited Liang with a reply letter.
Dear Papa,
I never expected to find out my dad at this age . I was teased in school , people said I don’t have a daddy. I asked mum about you ,but not much was told to me . Yes , Daddy , I was busy with my PSLE , thus I never wrote back to you . Finally , my exam is over . I write to you . Dad thank you for working so hard for me . Mum and I had been fine. I will be migrating to Australia with mummy and new daddy soon.
Daniel
When Liang read the letter , he was filled with tears.
Tears flow down , he shouted at Sewed,” He is doing fine . Do you know my son named Daniel .He replied . He doing well and he will be migrating to Australia with his new family. Sewed , I am so happy to know that . I could go with peace now .
The fact wasn’t it was as Sewed wept as he walked out the visitation centre.
For months ,When there wasn’t any reply Siwei decided to investigated it .He went to the address where Liang had wrote to .He found that there are only old folks living there. The previous tenants which may be his wife had lost his son in car accident when he was 8 year old .Liang son died . His wife remarried and migrates to Australia .
When Siwei found out these, he was shocked. He wouldn’t know what to do
The fact was Siwei was the son of Liang who wrote that last letter to him . Maybe it is after all good to tell a lie to a man waiting for death sentence that his kids and wife are living happily .
Siwei become the man who didn’t tell the truth . But neither was I right or wrong to judge him.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Long Time
It is a long time since I Step into a gym . So it is a long time since I watch a movie in a threate .
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
running away from issues.
I dreamt about I running away from home .
Running Away: If you dream of running away from home, you are trying to avoid an issue in your real life. Pretending it doesn't exist could make things worse ...
Running Away
If you dream of running away from home, you are trying to avoid an issue in your real life. Pretending it doesn't exist could make things worse - you will not solve problems until you face them head on. This dream also suggests that you are not taking or accepting responsibility for your actions. In cases where the dreamer's home life is very difficult, this dream can represent a straightforward wish to live in a happier place.
I think it draw me back ......running away from issues ..maybe I had been ....
Running Away: If you dream of running away from home, you are trying to avoid an issue in your real life. Pretending it doesn't exist could make things worse ...
Running Away
If you dream of running away from home, you are trying to avoid an issue in your real life. Pretending it doesn't exist could make things worse - you will not solve problems until you face them head on. This dream also suggests that you are not taking or accepting responsibility for your actions. In cases where the dreamer's home life is very difficult, this dream can represent a straightforward wish to live in a happier place.
I think it draw me back ......running away from issues ..maybe I had been ....
Monday, December 12, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Everything must go
The most difficult is life ..maybe is what u are facing right now .. This is what I learn from Everything must go . It is a movie with deep meaning .
A man trying very hard ..yet in the end ..nothing seem to work well .....
I think I got alot to learn from him and standing up from a fall is not easy .But I will overcome it ......
A man trying very hard ..yet in the end ..nothing seem to work well .....
I think I got alot to learn from him and standing up from a fall is not easy .But I will overcome it ......
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
the bright sunny day (2)
Fine clear days ....Good sunshine ..
But .... Lately I am greet by a sense of great darkness in my life , after watching 50/50 and then The beaver . I cant help feeling abit sharing thier same thoughts....feel for them .... And I got discourging email . maybe Yoda doesnt meant a thing ...I think he doesnt know how a depressed person feel . Just like in beaver .. Everybody know how to talk , but they know because they are not in the wrecked train ...
But something cheered me up . It was Willie . He tell me a different path of life .. maybe afterall it is okay to just let go ....Yah ......
after replying him , I played this song repeatedly in my ears .
.
RADIO hEAD - hIGH AND dRY .
two jumps and a week
I bet you think that's pretty clever, don't you boy
Flying on your motorcycle
Watching all the ground beneath you drop
Kill yourself for recognition
Kill yourself to never ever stop
You broke another mirror
You're turning into something you are not
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Drying up in conversation
You will be the one who cannot talk
All your insides fall to pieces
You just sit there wishing you could still make love
They're the ones who'll hate you
When you think you've got the world all sussed out
They're the once who'll spit at you
You'll be the one screaming out
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
It's the best thing that you ever had,
The best thing you ever, ever had
It's the best thing that you ever had,
The best thing you have had is gone away
Sunday, December 4, 2011
really like the show The Beaver 2011 by Mel Gibson
I been watching the movie the Beaverhttp://www.imdb.com/title/tt1321860/
It make me related alot to my thinking and open the door to depression .
Yap . I know how he feels . But my depression is into his kind ,self destruct till one would cut off thier hand . I know it hurts when the whole world said ," He is mad ." He is clooney"
The sound track is nice . I like the quotes the :
Walter Black: People seem to love a train wreck when it's not happening to them.
Walter Black: Starting over isn't crazy. Crazy is being miserable and walking around half asleep, numb, day after day after day. Crazy is pretending to be happy. Pretending that the way things are is the way they have to be for the rest of your bleeding life.
\
Walter Black: We reach a point where, in order to go on, we have to wipe the slate clean. We start to see ourselves as a box that we're trapped inside and no matter how we try and escape, self help, therapy, drugs, we just sink further and further down. The only way to truly break out of the box is to get rid of it all together... I mean, you built it in the first place. If the people around you are breaking your spirit, who needs them? Your wife who pretends to love you, your son who can't even stand you. I mean, put them out of their misery. Starting over isn't crazy. Crazy is being miserable and walking around half asleep, numb, day after day after day. Crazy is pretending to be happy. Pretending that the way things are is the way they have to be for the rest of your bleeding life. All the potential, hope, all that joy, feeling, all that passion that life has sucked out of you. Reach out, grab a hold of it and snatch it back from that bloodsucking rabble.
I'm not okay, not at all, the truth is, I'm missing something. The thing I loved the most, the face I wish were in the front row right now, the brother I'll never get back. So what do I do with that? What do any of us do? Besides lie. This is what I believe, right now, in this auditorium, there is someone who is with you, someone who is willing to pick you up, dust you off, kiss you, forgive you, put up with you, wait for you, carry you, love you. So while everything may not be okay, one thing I know is true, you do not have to be alone.
This is a picture of Walter Black, a hopelessly depressed individual. Somewhere inside him is a man who fell in love. Who started a family. Who ran a successful company. That man has gone missing. No matter what he's tried, and he's tried everything, Walter can't seem to bring him back. It's as if he's died, but hasn't had the good sense to take his body with him. So mostly what he does is sleep.
It make me related alot to my thinking and open the door to depression .
Yap . I know how he feels . But my depression is into his kind ,self destruct till one would cut off thier hand . I know it hurts when the whole world said ," He is mad ." He is clooney"
The sound track is nice . I like the quotes the :
Walter Black: People seem to love a train wreck when it's not happening to them.
Walter Black: Starting over isn't crazy. Crazy is being miserable and walking around half asleep, numb, day after day after day. Crazy is pretending to be happy. Pretending that the way things are is the way they have to be for the rest of your bleeding life.
\
Walter Black: We reach a point where, in order to go on, we have to wipe the slate clean. We start to see ourselves as a box that we're trapped inside and no matter how we try and escape, self help, therapy, drugs, we just sink further and further down. The only way to truly break out of the box is to get rid of it all together... I mean, you built it in the first place. If the people around you are breaking your spirit, who needs them? Your wife who pretends to love you, your son who can't even stand you. I mean, put them out of their misery. Starting over isn't crazy. Crazy is being miserable and walking around half asleep, numb, day after day after day. Crazy is pretending to be happy. Pretending that the way things are is the way they have to be for the rest of your bleeding life. All the potential, hope, all that joy, feeling, all that passion that life has sucked out of you. Reach out, grab a hold of it and snatch it back from that bloodsucking rabble.
I'm not okay, not at all, the truth is, I'm missing something. The thing I loved the most, the face I wish were in the front row right now, the brother I'll never get back. So what do I do with that? What do any of us do? Besides lie. This is what I believe, right now, in this auditorium, there is someone who is with you, someone who is willing to pick you up, dust you off, kiss you, forgive you, put up with you, wait for you, carry you, love you. So while everything may not be okay, one thing I know is true, you do not have to be alone.
This is a picture of Walter Black, a hopelessly depressed individual. Somewhere inside him is a man who fell in love. Who started a family. Who ran a successful company. That man has gone missing. No matter what he's tried, and he's tried everything, Walter can't seem to bring him back. It's as if he's died, but hasn't had the good sense to take his body with him. So mostly what he does is sleep.
Saying Goodbye to yesterday .
I wanted to help out my cousin to do his website .But part of me is very angry that he didnt invited me to his new born baby( my nephew) . So who cares anyway ? but I thinking of doing something useful . Doctor told me . Hold on ...U will be forever down . U will be up . When is it?When shall that day come?
I had been plagued . I am happy to see Yoda ,yet I am fearful for falling for him . At times I am very afraid my consious will disappear . I thinking of messaging him hello ..Good morning . Have a good day ahead .>big kiss kiss..Then I think I would draw boundaries..Coz after all ...we all know where we stand.....I dont know what to do .
I complete my marathon .And there will sense of achievement .But after it was just pure aches . I walk with a Blade runner . I think he is good and feel with enderance even his blading legs are hurting him .And i realised...even he lost his legs , he didnt lost his spirit . But what am I doing? Why had i lost my spirit so .......easiler...
So a few more days ..I take the cup of wine and sings .. Auild lang syne ...
confused ...lost ...disturbed distress.....
I had been plagued . I am happy to see Yoda ,yet I am fearful for falling for him . At times I am very afraid my consious will disappear . I thinking of messaging him hello ..Good morning . Have a good day ahead .>big kiss kiss..Then I think I would draw boundaries..Coz after all ...we all know where we stand.....I dont know what to do .
I complete my marathon .And there will sense of achievement .But after it was just pure aches . I walk with a Blade runner . I think he is good and feel with enderance even his blading legs are hurting him .And i realised...even he lost his legs , he didnt lost his spirit . But what am I doing? Why had i lost my spirit so .......easiler...
So a few more days ..I take the cup of wine and sings .. Auild lang syne ...
confused ...lost ...disturbed distress.....
Thursday, December 1, 2011
SPYAIR - Samurai Heart (Some Like It Hot!!!)
Written by MOMIKEN
Composed by UZ(SPYAIR)
Arranged and Performed by SPYAIR
View Kanji
Composed by UZ(SPYAIR)
Arranged and Performed by SPYAIR
View Kanji
New Feature! In kanji view, mouseover a kanji character for lookup information!
| Original / Romaji Lyrics | English Translation |
|---|---|
| dokka ue no sora de sappari kiite naindarou? wazato kobosu SAIN minogasu kimi hora itsudatte onaji de wakariatteru ...tonda kanchigai da yo koko ni iru boku ni kizukenaindarou | Somewhere above the sky you didn't listen at all, did you? You purposely overlook the sign that came to you. See, we always understand each other perfectly... What a huge misunderstanding. You don't even notice me standing right here, do you? |
| hitogomi ni magirete hitori munashiku tte miageru sora todokanai kaiwa KACCHI BOORU kodoku wa mashiteku | Mixed in the crowd all alone I gaze at the sky without a purpose. With this conversation game of catchball that won't reach My loneliness grows. |
| Hey!! Hey!! kotaete dareka imasenka? zutto sagashite mo kotae nai ya Hey!! Hey!! boku dake ga boku wo tsukuru kara naitatte, waratte nikundatte aishite ikite yukou Hey! Hey! SAMURAI HAATO (some like it hot) | Hey!! Hey!! Answer me. Is there anybody there? No matter how much I search, there's no answer back. Hey!! Hey!! Only I will make myself, so Even if I cry, even if I smile, even if I hate, I'll live my life with love. Hey! Hey! Samurai Heart (Some like it hot) |
| nopperi toshita Day by Day mattaku kyou mo onaji darou? tokekomenai hito ni narenai machi Ah hitonami ni tachidomari kurikaeri tashikameta ashiato mae yori honno sukoshi wa aruketeru kamo | I've lived my life expressionless, Day by Day, and today is no different, is it? This is a town where you can't not fit in. Ah, standing in the waves of people, I make sure of those repeating foot steps And then I feel that maybe I can walk a bit more than before. |
| surechigatta machi no GARASU ni samishige ni utsutta jibun mukatsukunda sonna jibun mo mukanshin na sekai mo | In the glass of the town I passed through My lonely self reflected back Along with my irritated self And the indifferent world. |
| Hey!! Hey!! kotaete dareka imasenka? zutto sagashite mo kotae nai ya Hey!! Hey!! boku dake ga boku o tsukuru nara "Dou datte ii" nante omowanai de hontou no koe wo... | Hey!! Hey!! Answer me. Is there anybody there? No matter how much I search, there's no answer back. Hey!! Hey!! If only I will make myself Then the true voice inside of me that doesn't think "Whatever" goes... |
| Hey!! Hey!! hitori ja ikirenai daro? HAATO sutete made tokekomenai Hey!! Hey!! akirameru riyuu wa iranai kimi datte funbatte kono machi de ikiteikunda | Hey!! Hey!! You can't live alone, can you? If you throw away even your heart, you'll never fit in. Hey!! Hey!! You don't need a reason to give up Because even you can stand frim and live in this town. |
| Hey!! Hey!! kotaete dareka imasenka? zutto sagashite mo kotae nai kara Hey!! Hey!! boku dake ga boku wo tsukurunda naitatte, waratte nikundatte aishite ikite yukou Hey!! Hey!! SAMURAI HAATO (some like it hot) | Hey!! Hey!! Answer me. Is there anybody there? No matter how much I search, there's no answer back. Hey!! Hey!! Only I will make myself, so Even if I cry, even if I smile, even if I hate, I'll live my life with love. Hey! Hey! Samurai Heart (Some like it hot) |
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
The overweight depressed lady
Alternatively, the person who is sensitive about her weight may become a people-pleaser in
the hope of winning the approval and love of others who she hopes won’t notice her weight. She
cares for others and disregards her own needs, thereby gaining the satisfaction in life she craves.
When she feels lonely, she eats; when she feels unappreciated, she resorts to food to fill the void.
If the eater engages in compulsive eating, he or she further
defeats finding a solution. It is necessary for such people to redefine their relationship with food
and exercise (e.g., “this is what I usually eat,” “this is what I rarely eat,” “this is what I do in
terms of physical activity”). Later chapters emphasize this need.
Other psychological factors that can produce emotional eating include how a person
thinks about food and eating. A person may make excuses and rationalizations to give himself
or herself permission to eat in unhealthy ways (“This has been such a stressful day; I deserve
a treat” or “Well I’ve blown it, so why not keep eating?”). If you have difficulties being
assertive, you may resort to food to stuff down painful feelings. Thinking of yourself as someone
who can’t resist food or who has a sweet tooth makes it harder to incorporate changes in
lifestyle that are necessary for weight management success. “I’m a chocoholic” is a self-definition
sure to make it harder to resist temptation. To overcome emotional eating and succeed
in making a lifestyle change that leads to a healthy weight, you must redefine who you are and
how you act in relation to food and exercise.
www.weightloss.about.com/od/emotionaleating1/emotional_eating.htm
the hope of winning the approval and love of others who she hopes won’t notice her weight. She
cares for others and disregards her own needs, thereby gaining the satisfaction in life she craves.
When she feels lonely, she eats; when she feels unappreciated, she resorts to food to fill the void.
If the eater engages in compulsive eating, he or she further
defeats finding a solution. It is necessary for such people to redefine their relationship with food
and exercise (e.g., “this is what I usually eat,” “this is what I rarely eat,” “this is what I do in
terms of physical activity”). Later chapters emphasize this need.
Other psychological factors that can produce emotional eating include how a person
thinks about food and eating. A person may make excuses and rationalizations to give himself
or herself permission to eat in unhealthy ways (“This has been such a stressful day; I deserve
a treat” or “Well I’ve blown it, so why not keep eating?”). If you have difficulties being
assertive, you may resort to food to stuff down painful feelings. Thinking of yourself as someone
who can’t resist food or who has a sweet tooth makes it harder to incorporate changes in
lifestyle that are necessary for weight management success. “I’m a chocoholic” is a self-definition
sure to make it harder to resist temptation. To overcome emotional eating and succeed
in making a lifestyle change that leads to a healthy weight, you must redefine who you are and
how you act in relation to food and exercise.
www.weightloss.about.com/od/emotionaleating1/emotional_eating.htm
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
I shouldnt go to BISHAN junction 8 and buy from singtel store at level 2
I brought this on impluse and cut cheated . The Skin is not thick enough to protect my ipad 2.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
滑头鬼之孙千年魔京
I found new love 滑头鬼之孙千年魔京-. I was chasing 滑头鬼之孙千 during the season 3 . I found it a mix of lOVE ... AND a demon with human ..yah ..tat kind of thing is loved by all of us in twilight .So the formula work in here.Somore the demon is a joker which I Like it alot .What is more important is that is featuring half human and half demon inside 滑头鬼之孙...
OKay ..It is good for find something to keep me attracted to it .
OKay ..It is good for find something to keep me attracted to it .
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Junk Food Lover
I am into junk food to please myself . This junk food nonsese had intenstified .
I dont know what to do about it .
I dont know what to do about it .
Sunday, November 20, 2011
The darkness In all.
I watched the show Furious Love . I finally come to release that I am not the pitiful one .There are more who been through hell . In the land of Thailand where gals and guys are make prostitute , and in the land of India , where Christian are persecuted , in the land I am not sure where. There were drug addicts , struggling to live their lives .
What is God love? That had been a question I never wanted to ask myself for a lengthily period .
The choice was and always be ours to make .
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
The way out of depression - Movies kept me
watching a number of movies
uDaan - A story of a boy who get kicked out in school and also
Our idoit brother.
Both are heart warming family movies .
uDaan - A story of a boy who get kicked out in school and also
Our idoit brother.
Both are heart warming family movies .
MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT A WEAKNESS
mental illness is not a MORAL or pyschological weakness . We are not weak willed, Defective or undeveloped .Mental illness is a biochemical illness that CAN Affect anyone anytime .
AS you continue our journey ,it is important to remember our illness has nothing to do with our CHARACTER , PERSONALITY ,ECONOMIC STATUS ,WILLINGLESS< Nor any other mythological cause .
Today am I clear about who I am and the source of my illness.
I have a illness, not a weakness of mind and soul
AS you continue our journey ,it is important to remember our illness has nothing to do with our CHARACTER , PERSONALITY ,ECONOMIC STATUS ,WILLINGLESS< Nor any other mythological cause .
Today am I clear about who I am and the source of my illness.
I have a illness, not a weakness of mind and soul
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
属马人的本命佛大势至菩萨
属马人的本命佛大势至菩萨
女士多戴弥勒，是让女人少一些嫉妒和小心眼，少说点是非，多一些宽容，要象弥勒菩萨一样肚量广大，自然得菩萨保佑快乐自在。总的来说，男戴观音女戴佛也就是男女互补的意思，男人可以吸取一些女性的优点来弥补男性的缺点，而女性则可以吸取男性的一些优点来弥补自己的不足！
以上说法只是民间的一种心理祈愿，在佛经上没有依据，佛经的记载是每个人从先天一生下来就有一位“守护神”“本命佛”守护，所以佩戴“守护神”“本命佛”才是正确的选择。
http://www.51shs.com/goods-62.html
女士多戴弥勒，是让女人少一些嫉妒和小心眼，少说点是非，多一些宽容，要象弥勒菩萨一样肚量广大，自然得菩萨保佑快乐自在。总的来说，男戴观音女戴佛也就是男女互补的意思，男人可以吸取一些女性的优点来弥补男性的缺点，而女性则可以吸取男性的一些优点来弥补自己的不足！
以上说法只是民间的一种心理祈愿，在佛经上没有依据，佛经的记载是每个人从先天一生下来就有一位“守护神”“本命佛”守护，所以佩戴“守护神”“本命佛”才是正确的选择。
http://www.51shs.com/goods-62.html
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
That is something for sure I learn through the knocking and falling down of every step I made.
It a long time since I update this blog .
Last night I had my bouts of depression striking me again . I was depressed.
Depressed that nobody really loved me after all. I felt the anger of been cheated by Eric . I despised him more and more .Then as I walked home , I ended up crying. I cried for everything under the sun . The reason was to let go of all the pain which was eating me up . I was scolded by my boss earlier. And that added to my desperate . Everything my notebook break down , Harddisk crash . I had to do something about it . I get insultive remarks from that 4 spectacle crap and sarcastic remarks from her.Then I met my the 2nd bunch they start asking me about doing appraisal and then things which I fear was said to me. All these added to my despair . Don’t worry , you will be the 1st to be get rid of . Instead Wxxx ,Exxxx ,Mike,Exxxx. And then after hearing what they said , I feel totally despair. Oh ..They want to get rid of me. Oh ..maybe I dun have my bonus again ..or whatever.. I imagine….whatever… I even felt betrayed that my so called best friend , Sandtime , didn’t invited me to her ROM while when her ex financee jilted her during wedding night .Now she found a new bf , she don’t need me in her life . And I felt her been pretentious when she asked for my contract no and claimed that she want to invite me to her wedding. But after all the rumors and leaving me when the bunch people condemned me . I guess I see through her. Just like seeing through Eric .
I don’t understand , I tried not to think too much .They may be jokingly about how insane I am so they dumped me to the other side..But I love here…but then ..they claimed that actually they had been planning to get rid of me? I felt my sense of worthless more and more . The worthless added after I confront ed Eric .
The cheerful and grateful thing there are monster s lurking in my life .But there are kind people who turn up at unexpected corner , like Shirleen saying ,” Ignore that Jerk .”
Shirleen was my angel in office during the 8-6pm routine. I basically felt I cant live without her, my reliance on her made me feel fearful that I will lose her. Reena , was another gal I missed. I missed every morning she would cheer up my day by saying OHAYO ..good morning . She give a cheerful simile.
I wish I could write Nickolas’ spark . A few day ago , I met Desmond , my ex bf . I think I met him . He didn’t give me the simile which paul yeo my 1st ex , gave me. Paul yeo , I retained a 2 year relationship with him . He gave me solivus Titus watch to remind our love is eternal . How does it end, I choose not to think about it now as my black dog had just departed and is circling around me and It ready to snap at me.
I think Cindy Soh was a great buddy who entertain my crap of mushy nonsense sms to her. She was my seconday school friend whom we share many secret s. She was successful Ceo of a good company . I believed she had more stress than me ,but she hold her composure very well , in midst of her company , she still take my crap .Then Lifang , who is my MSN angel . I must talk to her , I trying not to disturb her every single day . I fearful that my reliance on her would gave her greif and finding me bothersome.
But She cool . She the lady I swore to to break contract with Eric , and not to go out with him anymore else I die . She added , he die too.
Sister bee choo is back with me . all is well . Sister bee choo gave me ten reasons not to kill myself .There are times I think I want to call Liphong ,but end up I called that bastard Eric . And then I got hurt yesterday by his insensitive and sarcastic remarks. I guess afterall , they were right about him , and I choose or refused to set those kind words from my friends , telling me that he is not good , he is just a multi face worm . Please drop him said Jay Chou , and others…
What was wrong with me? But I know now for sure , I will cut him off from my MSN , everything and keep my distance. Although I feel a sense of gloomly cloud over me, My mum think I will kill myself again .No I wouldn’t coz I am tired and used to all these craps . When ever I been really loved by a guy , well , I used to that . I don’t need their love anymore , I had good friends around me……. And that is enough …
At work , Shirleen (She instantly when I am stress , and my binge eating) what that? It is I used food to fight off tiredness and stress . I hate taking the SSRI , sometimes It make me just want to sleep ……and I just chew onto something to keep me awake ..my whole metabolism, went haywire , I grew FAT and Reena (I wish she was here,sometimes I wonder should I follow her style and run into other industry)but I am fearful of changes . I am fearful of authority. I had a lot of funny ideas in my brain I wish to run over to my kind boss here and said ,I want to be part … but then I afraid ..i will be scolded as nutty lady .….and …
Whatever …take it day as it is …. And corrnie may sang this song …Angel in disguise ..dedicated to people who come to this page ..and let u all know I love you all for been there for me..and all the little craps u all had endured about me.
Love is miserable when it come to boy and gal ,but when it come to love of friends. It become more beautiful again .That is something for sure I learn through the knocking and falling down of every step I made.
Last night I had my bouts of depression striking me again . I was depressed.
Depressed that nobody really loved me after all. I felt the anger of been cheated by Eric . I despised him more and more .Then as I walked home , I ended up crying. I cried for everything under the sun . The reason was to let go of all the pain which was eating me up . I was scolded by my boss earlier. And that added to my desperate . Everything my notebook break down , Harddisk crash . I had to do something about it . I get insultive remarks from that 4 spectacle crap and sarcastic remarks from her.Then I met my the 2nd bunch they start asking me about doing appraisal and then things which I fear was said to me. All these added to my despair . Don’t worry , you will be the 1st to be get rid of . Instead Wxxx ,Exxxx ,Mike,Exxxx. And then after hearing what they said , I feel totally despair. Oh ..They want to get rid of me. Oh ..maybe I dun have my bonus again ..or whatever.. I imagine….whatever… I even felt betrayed that my so called best friend , Sandtime , didn’t invited me to her ROM while when her ex financee jilted her during wedding night .Now she found a new bf , she don’t need me in her life . And I felt her been pretentious when she asked for my contract no and claimed that she want to invite me to her wedding. But after all the rumors and leaving me when the bunch people condemned me . I guess I see through her. Just like seeing through Eric .
I don’t understand , I tried not to think too much .They may be jokingly about how insane I am so they dumped me to the other side..But I love here…but then ..they claimed that actually they had been planning to get rid of me? I felt my sense of worthless more and more . The worthless added after I confront ed Eric .
The cheerful and grateful thing there are monster s lurking in my life .But there are kind people who turn up at unexpected corner , like Shirleen saying ,” Ignore that Jerk .”
Shirleen was my angel in office during the 8-6pm routine. I basically felt I cant live without her, my reliance on her made me feel fearful that I will lose her. Reena , was another gal I missed. I missed every morning she would cheer up my day by saying OHAYO ..good morning . She give a cheerful simile.
I wish I could write Nickolas’ spark . A few day ago , I met Desmond , my ex bf . I think I met him . He didn’t give me the simile which paul yeo my 1st ex , gave me. Paul yeo , I retained a 2 year relationship with him . He gave me solivus Titus watch to remind our love is eternal . How does it end, I choose not to think about it now as my black dog had just departed and is circling around me and It ready to snap at me.
I think Cindy Soh was a great buddy who entertain my crap of mushy nonsense sms to her. She was my seconday school friend whom we share many secret s. She was successful Ceo of a good company . I believed she had more stress than me ,but she hold her composure very well , in midst of her company , she still take my crap .Then Lifang , who is my MSN angel . I must talk to her , I trying not to disturb her every single day . I fearful that my reliance on her would gave her greif and finding me bothersome.
But She cool . She the lady I swore to to break contract with Eric , and not to go out with him anymore else I die . She added , he die too.
Sister bee choo is back with me . all is well . Sister bee choo gave me ten reasons not to kill myself .There are times I think I want to call Liphong ,but end up I called that bastard Eric . And then I got hurt yesterday by his insensitive and sarcastic remarks. I guess afterall , they were right about him , and I choose or refused to set those kind words from my friends , telling me that he is not good , he is just a multi face worm . Please drop him said Jay Chou , and others…
What was wrong with me? But I know now for sure , I will cut him off from my MSN , everything and keep my distance. Although I feel a sense of gloomly cloud over me, My mum think I will kill myself again .No I wouldn’t coz I am tired and used to all these craps . When ever I been really loved by a guy , well , I used to that . I don’t need their love anymore , I had good friends around me……. And that is enough …
At work , Shirleen (She instantly when I am stress , and my binge eating) what that? It is I used food to fight off tiredness and stress . I hate taking the SSRI , sometimes It make me just want to sleep ……and I just chew onto something to keep me awake ..my whole metabolism, went haywire , I grew FAT and Reena (I wish she was here,sometimes I wonder should I follow her style and run into other industry)but I am fearful of changes . I am fearful of authority. I had a lot of funny ideas in my brain I wish to run over to my kind boss here and said ,I want to be part … but then I afraid ..i will be scolded as nutty lady .….and …
Whatever …take it day as it is …. And corrnie may sang this song …Angel in disguise ..dedicated to people who come to this page ..and let u all know I love you all for been there for me..and all the little craps u all had endured about me.
Love is miserable when it come to boy and gal ,but when it come to love of friends. It become more beautiful again .That is something for sure I learn through the knocking and falling down of every step I made.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
The disappointing day ,but a good meal at coffee Club at Tiong Bahru .
like the salad as especially the salmon which is smoked.The Day I was disappointed . Had something at Coffee Club to cheer me up
I ask forest Rum Ice-cream . Nice drink
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
It is THINKING ...motivation quotes body for life
“It’s thinking that got you where you are today,”
Champion Sylvia Bortman declares, “and it’s thinking
that will take you where you want to go tomorrow.
So be careful what you think about
Which is not to say it’s easy. It’s called a “Challenge” for a reason. Every person
who has ever embarked on the trip to transformation has encountered doubts,
setbacks and obstacles. Every person has been tempted to cheat or quit. Every
person has had to confront what they’re made of, to draw on previously untapped
reservoirs of resilience and resolve.
“Birds f ly through the resisting medium of air,” Sylvia Bortman says. “The
brook trout needs the resisting water to swim. Your spirit grows stronger not as
life becomes easier but as tests and temptations are met and struggled with.
Don’t let life’s obstacles stand in the way of your success. Let them propel you
forward toward victory!”
Champion Sylvia Bortman declares, “and it’s thinking
that will take you where you want to go tomorrow.
So be careful what you think about
Which is not to say it’s easy. It’s called a “Challenge” for a reason. Every person
who has ever embarked on the trip to transformation has encountered doubts,
setbacks and obstacles. Every person has been tempted to cheat or quit. Every
person has had to confront what they’re made of, to draw on previously untapped
reservoirs of resilience and resolve.
“Birds f ly through the resisting medium of air,” Sylvia Bortman says. “The
brook trout needs the resisting water to swim. Your spirit grows stronger not as
life becomes easier but as tests and temptations are met and struggled with.
Don’t let life’s obstacles stand in the way of your success. Let them propel you
forward toward victory!”
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Too Much things .. too overwhelmed by Life
Too much things happen lately .
Too overwhelmed to write about them .
Too overwhelmed to write about them .
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Here with me-No u all upthere...
I think I would be running with THIS SONg ...Here with me...
I imagine myself holding a heavy burden and then running uphill with my heavy notebook bag which I hold during i flown back from Melbourne to Singapore.
And then I keep trying to run uphill because .....it was needed for me. Mr Soh and the rest are upstairs with me . He did tell me to stop running and start resting.
My heart must been heavy .Although everything had been taken down .The pain is still there. The insultive and evil cuts they had make through me. Making me low inferior and feel fat now. I make myself a fat ass . I confess .But if for thier evil and crazy way, alot of things happen .And I shouldnt blame them .Because I allow them to torn me up.
I wanted to call Eric Chong and liphong. Thank God .that Urge was killed by the desire of other things. I cant hide...I cannot breathe...Until I keep running ..runnning with my heavy army style shoulder bag ...carry backpack. I dont know why I keep torturing myself....
I cant hide....
I wont sleep ...
I cant breathe......
Until ..My battle is over...
I cant hide... I cannot be....
Until I am resting finally together with grandmum.
Grandmum Wong swee jee..I miss u at times...
How are u upstairs?
Is everything Good?
Good news...something Good happen...although my life suz at times..How do u keep your faith WitH JESUS when everything went wrong in your life"?
my uncle was gambling away your life..
your house..everything...
How could u still sit there and run...
Now Grandmum..I cant run ..I just feel SHIT by little life pokes at me.
I thinking of beening with you . Yet Jesus said this and that....
It is a sign of tiridness..
U know dad and mum is tired of me...
Dad sent me to work daily .
Grandfather u up there too.. I never told much . I just remember during chinese new year . You had helped me to adjust my messy clothing...
Chan Kuang lee Ah gong.. U know me since day 1...I always been like tat .
Filmsy and messy ..And dripping down my nose running ...
I feel tired running this uphill.......And I think like this song ..DIDO .....Here with me...I am what I am... I do what I want ...
I cant hide....
I wont go ...
I wont sleep ...
I cant breathe....until ... I am resting together with you all someday.
I try not to let the black dog bite me. It is not easy .
Dad , your son ...always ferry me to work everyday ...and he sometimes ferry grandmum and my uncle too.So dont worry . Everything okay except that we are always poor . Because I spend money due to OCB ...and my depression .
It kill me mentally....maybe it run in the blood..
But Prozac had kill the creativity of Mozart and Van Gogn Vinc .He was the one draw starry starry night... I guess because it run in our family blood. I may be someone special with creativity like you Grandpa ...U played music..Dad said that . I may be creativity and talented like you . Having that kind of loyalty and friendship which means alot to us...
And wong swee jee ..It is like how u love your children.. And how mummy love me right now . I trying hard to live ..Live to keep myself mentally stable......I can't be ... I won't go .. I wont sleep...until..God call onto me... But at least u could tell people out there to stop attacking us. Wong swee jee grandmum , i realised how hard u had been trying so hard to accept u had a mentally instable children ...and then U struggled.....
Chang Kuang lee, U should be proud of me. Geraldine Chan . My dad chan cheow boo had graduated ..and so did me...........But I had been mowhere here in my job . It is tough struggle .Just like my dad..he is doing the same job as you . I thought maybe ...maybe I should follow the root . be a taxi driver..Is he happy?
maybe he is...whatever..although we are living luxary ...
but ..... I didnt hear u all leave..u all just leave........
Just like this song .. I carrying a heavy bag of shoulderbackpack and run ....run...uphill..HOPING........hOPING...
Thank You for bringing our parents to this world......
Dido
I imagine myself holding a heavy burden and then running uphill with my heavy notebook bag which I hold during i flown back from Melbourne to Singapore.
And then I keep trying to run uphill because .....it was needed for me. Mr Soh and the rest are upstairs with me . He did tell me to stop running and start resting.
My heart must been heavy .Although everything had been taken down .The pain is still there. The insultive and evil cuts they had make through me. Making me low inferior and feel fat now. I make myself a fat ass . I confess .But if for thier evil and crazy way, alot of things happen .And I shouldnt blame them .Because I allow them to torn me up.
I wanted to call Eric Chong and liphong. Thank God .that Urge was killed by the desire of other things. I cant hide...I cannot breathe...Until I keep running ..runnning with my heavy army style shoulder bag ...carry backpack. I dont know why I keep torturing myself....
I cant hide....
I wont sleep ...
I cant breathe......
Until ..My battle is over...
I cant hide... I cannot be....
Until I am resting finally together with grandmum.
Grandmum Wong swee jee..I miss u at times...
How are u upstairs?
Is everything Good?
Good news...something Good happen...although my life suz at times..How do u keep your faith WitH JESUS when everything went wrong in your life"?
my uncle was gambling away your life..
your house..everything...
How could u still sit there and run...
Now Grandmum..I cant run ..I just feel SHIT by little life pokes at me.
I thinking of beening with you . Yet Jesus said this and that....
It is a sign of tiridness..
U know dad and mum is tired of me...
Dad sent me to work daily .
Grandfather u up there too.. I never told much . I just remember during chinese new year . You had helped me to adjust my messy clothing...
Chan Kuang lee Ah gong.. U know me since day 1...I always been like tat .
Filmsy and messy ..And dripping down my nose running ...
I feel tired running this uphill.......And I think like this song ..DIDO .....Here with me...I am what I am... I do what I want ...
I cant hide....
I wont go ...
I wont sleep ...
I cant breathe....until ... I am resting together with you all someday.
I try not to let the black dog bite me. It is not easy .
Dad , your son ...always ferry me to work everyday ...and he sometimes ferry grandmum and my uncle too.So dont worry . Everything okay except that we are always poor . Because I spend money due to OCB ...and my depression .
It kill me mentally....maybe it run in the blood..
But Prozac had kill the creativity of Mozart and Van Gogn Vinc .He was the one draw starry starry night... I guess because it run in our family blood. I may be someone special with creativity like you Grandpa ...U played music..Dad said that . I may be creativity and talented like you . Having that kind of loyalty and friendship which means alot to us...
And wong swee jee ..It is like how u love your children.. And how mummy love me right now . I trying hard to live ..Live to keep myself mentally stable......I can't be ... I won't go .. I wont sleep...until..God call onto me... But at least u could tell people out there to stop attacking us. Wong swee jee grandmum , i realised how hard u had been trying so hard to accept u had a mentally instable children ...and then U struggled.....
Chang Kuang lee, U should be proud of me. Geraldine Chan . My dad chan cheow boo had graduated ..and so did me...........But I had been mowhere here in my job . It is tough struggle .Just like my dad..he is doing the same job as you . I thought maybe ...maybe I should follow the root . be a taxi driver..Is he happy?
maybe he is...whatever..although we are living luxary ...
but ..... I didnt hear u all leave..u all just leave........
Just like this song .. I carrying a heavy bag of shoulderbackpack and run ....run...uphill..HOPING........hOPING...
Thank You for bringing our parents to this world......
Dido
Thursday, August 25, 2011
I must keep that in my mind.
When a farmer uses a kind of fertilizer that does not have any
effect, he has to change the fertilizer. The same is true for us. If,
after several months, the practice we are doing has not brought
about any transformation and healing, we have to reconsider the
situation. We must change our approach and learn more in order to
find the right practice that can transform our life and the lives of
the people we love.
effect, he has to change the fertilizer. The same is true for us. If,
after several months, the practice we are doing has not brought
about any transformation and healing, we have to reconsider the
situation. We must change our approach and learn more in order to
find the right practice that can transform our life and the lives of
the people we love.
Something Good
http://hi.baidu.com/niceday_/blog/item/499dc8d0a40e5f319b5027c2.html
http://hi.baidu.com/niceday_/blog/item/499dc8d0a40e5f319b5027c2.html
i tell my mum I buying this..
.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
It is like ..,Pls pls dun snap me . I want to sleep
Oh ...Lucky Was like telling me....Dun snap me . I want to sleep
Praise The lord
I forgotten what I came in for .
Maybe To Thank God that I had a chance to talk to lay Leng and offer help to her in anyway .
Thank God for loving me . Sister Bee choo called me. Although her conversative is indeed as gloomly as ne. She arranged to meet me this satuday .
Amen .
Maybe To Thank God that I had a chance to talk to lay Leng and offer help to her in anyway .
Thank God for loving me . Sister Bee choo called me. Although her conversative is indeed as gloomly as ne. She arranged to meet me this satuday .
Amen .
The motivational ding dang
MY BEST doremon who often .... SHAKE my head ..Till oH no ...Got a bit fed up pf me.
Monday, August 22, 2011
crap yet I am reading
No one wants to go through life on a selfish, heartless road. But it can happen unless we consider where we are going in life and ask the Lord for His direction. May He give us grace today to embrace His Word and follow Him with all our hearts.
Avoid it, do not travel on it;
turn from it and go on your way.
16 For they cannot rest until they do evil;
they are robbed of sleep till they make someone stumble.
hey eat the bread of wickedness
and drink the wine of violence.
18 The path of the righteous is like the morning sun,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
19 But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness;
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
24 Keep your mouth free of perversity;
keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
25 Let your eyes look straight ahead;
fix your gaze directly before you.
26 Give careful thought to the[a] paths for your feet
and be steadfast in all your ways.
27 Do not turn to the right or the left;
keep your foot from evil.
Yesterday I saw people dicussing christian stuff . I feel crap .
Avoid it, do not travel on it;
turn from it and go on your way.
16 For they cannot rest until they do evil;
they are robbed of sleep till they make someone stumble.
hey eat the bread of wickedness
and drink the wine of violence.
18 The path of the righteous is like the morning sun,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
19 But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness;
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
24 Keep your mouth free of perversity;
keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
25 Let your eyes look straight ahead;
fix your gaze directly before you.
26 Give careful thought to the[a] paths for your feet
and be steadfast in all your ways.
27 Do not turn to the right or the left;
keep your foot from evil.
Yesterday I saw people dicussing christian stuff . I feel crap .
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
The sense of what I should had known yet I felt injustice been done to me
I had a great frustration over me . This sense came when I start to castrophize and I thought it is not what I heard.
I couldnt breathe , I couldnt sleep , I couldnt calm myself down. There were thought of unjust treatment , anger and resentation I had towards so many things.
good things is cin soh , Ang Lai fang and Serene .. the below 2 pick up my call .
I am miserable . I thought of ways to kill myself by popping the whole bottle of sleeping pills and then kill my dog with me .Because I dont think I had a stable income to take care of him and bring him to see the vet for his parasite . From the sound of the what been said to me, It is like indirectly telling me to quit this job .
But I hate been said that I couldnt survie anywhere. And I should Do social work and i feel looked down and tagged by what people like to do ....
I am hurt . I cried .. I died... I slept .. I wake up ...the whole world is moving and I couldnt ......
I couldnt breathe , I couldnt sleep , I couldnt calm myself down. There were thought of unjust treatment , anger and resentation I had towards so many things.
good things is cin soh , Ang Lai fang and Serene .. the below 2 pick up my call .
I am miserable . I thought of ways to kill myself by popping the whole bottle of sleeping pills and then kill my dog with me .Because I dont think I had a stable income to take care of him and bring him to see the vet for his parasite . From the sound of the what been said to me, It is like indirectly telling me to quit this job .
But I hate been said that I couldnt survie anywhere. And I should Do social work and i feel looked down and tagged by what people like to do ....
I am hurt . I cried .. I died... I slept .. I wake up ...the whole world is moving and I couldnt ......
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The fact that It just make u drowsy ,heart rate irregular ..numb the pain for a while
I guess i m alcoholic.i saw the sms.i dun understand y one be bias to me,and to 6ther.,i also dun understd y i m like a trash unwanted used.tat evil man finally got babies.but i m now the eat ugly lady who the security guard,u got baby.everyday takin all kinds of medicine n supplement hopin it will heal me,like prayin to jesus.then he didnt answer.but ask to learn the trade of buhhbda.forgivesness.in repay of my kindress,i m return with sikence quiet pain.evry min,i slip.evry min i write.i tryin n hoping i get t.he state of i nolonger geraldine chan workin in st.my parent n sumetime maybe nobody understd me.charles seet disappear.bee choo disappear.i used think abot wat if.wat if.i no longer can go to past,neither in front,as i yet to accept the current me like my dad or mum does.
The day when my brain run like a too too train
I was awaken by my sleep again . I never get to sleep peaceful . SOmething had bother me again .
Yesterday ,I went to library to throw all the books because I m fed up the short limit time I had to return the book .
Although I think those are my favourite. I decided to concenrate on whatever I had brought first .
I cancel my couselling session for the fear of my boss would scold me for taking too many leaves .
Then it lead me to think how he treated 2 person differently and the flavour was on wicked man . but ...I just drunk to numb all those thoughts .
I did complaint to Cin Soh . I guess she had been busy , as I saw her online . I start to think her and henry kay . that fellow is also CEO ,but she work harded than anybody else.
Maybe afterall...in life , it is time that I stop comparing and thinking too much ...
Later maybe I should go for a job . I popped a sleeping pill.
Yesterday was eventful . The security asked if i am pregnant ...and my mobilestick wasnt return to me yet . I feel so crippled restless..hopless
Yesterday ,I went to library to throw all the books because I m fed up the short limit time I had to return the book .
Although I think those are my favourite. I decided to concenrate on whatever I had brought first .
I cancel my couselling session for the fear of my boss would scold me for taking too many leaves .
Then it lead me to think how he treated 2 person differently and the flavour was on wicked man . but ...I just drunk to numb all those thoughts .
I did complaint to Cin Soh . I guess she had been busy , as I saw her online . I start to think her and henry kay . that fellow is also CEO ,but she work harded than anybody else.
Maybe afterall...in life , it is time that I stop comparing and thinking too much ...
Later maybe I should go for a job . I popped a sleeping pill.
Yesterday was eventful . The security asked if i am pregnant ...and my mobilestick wasnt return to me yet . I feel so crippled restless..hopless
Monday, August 15, 2011
not to let anybody including myseld down
I had a desire to call someone . But then the feeling went away .
I tried to register for my leave yesterday and cliam stuff .But I dun know what wrong with my company network . It didn’t show any popup . I dun have my mobile stick . I feel abit retarded.
I went to asked about certain stuff .I was given wonderful advice.
Do not seek trouble. Does a bird know that it is going to be shot when seeking wood, beware. Snake might bite one to great agony.
Shut down and grind your teeth, Mind your own business. I f you have evil desire, you are likely too hurt to yourself
So I had this evil desire to have Exxx and Lxxxx to me and I guess in the end , it is true they will hurt me . So I guess there are a lot of sankes around here.
I had t SHUT down and grind my teeth , and mind my own business . Yah I mind Eric business too much . I care too much .. And I thank Cindy who help me a lot to kick him out of my life ..Lifang did a lot too…jay had warned me not to be near him as he will burn me down with asshes. I had tried to did it for these 3 days even today I am in office and had a phone accessible . I told myself , I shall not let my mum , Cindy Soh , Shirleen , Lifang and my parents down ….
These golden words are important for me. The art of zen
I tried to register for my leave yesterday and cliam stuff .But I dun know what wrong with my company network . It didn’t show any popup . I dun have my mobile stick . I feel abit retarded.
I went to asked about certain stuff .I was given wonderful advice.
Do not seek trouble. Does a bird know that it is going to be shot when seeking wood, beware. Snake might bite one to great agony.
Shut down and grind your teeth, Mind your own business. I f you have evil desire, you are likely too hurt to yourself
So I had this evil desire to have Exxx and Lxxxx to me and I guess in the end , it is true they will hurt me . So I guess there are a lot of sankes around here.
I had t SHUT down and grind my teeth , and mind my own business . Yah I mind Eric business too much . I care too much .. And I thank Cindy who help me a lot to kick him out of my life ..Lifang did a lot too…jay had warned me not to be near him as he will burn me down with asshes. I had tried to did it for these 3 days even today I am in office and had a phone accessible . I told myself , I shall not let my mum , Cindy Soh , Shirleen , Lifang and my parents down ….
These golden words are important for me. The art of zen
Friday, August 5, 2011
I need a plan
I feel a sense of saddness knowing too much . The more I agreed that Woman tend to be the victim rather than man.
I realised that they are liar too. here saying no feel ,this and that . There they still go out with the so called no feel lady.
So i guess this time I should make a determination to end all these poisonous cancer cell and get on with my life strongly and bravely .
So where do I start now?
I need to find plans and something to do .
Look forward for..
Apply for furthering studies?
whatever...
I realised that they are liar too. here saying no feel ,this and that . There they still go out with the so called no feel lady.
So i guess this time I should make a determination to end all these poisonous cancer cell and get on with my life strongly and bravely .
So where do I start now?
I need to find plans and something to do .
Look forward for..
Apply for furthering studies?
whatever...
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
我，不会问
我，不会问，不会提，难过了就一个人不停地走。我，不会吵，不会闹，心痛了用沉默代替一切。我，不会哭，不会笑，累了我就会消失一下。我知道，每条路都好难走，我知道，我的那条路就注定了要坎坷。我知道，我不可以去强求任何人。说好不再流泪就不会流，即使心再痛泪就在眼眶。这条路，我一个人走
Time To get rid of all cancer cells
I had peace like the river ..
Something trigger me to do that .
No more pervert talk from that person .talking about breast cup size and sexual experience he had or he does self masturbation.
And then...
another..also buy buy ..
No more complaining I dun go out with him , and demand me this and that.
Suddenly there is so much peace.
I remember when I removed fat ass from my account . At first , it was painful .But then came , peacefulness for the whole month and forever..Till I allow these few jerks in my life to make my life upside down and sleepless in Singapore.
So Back to 1 ..focus on my job..
focus on my goals..
focus on helping others..
Focus on true friends.......
Well , I got rid of cancer cell in my facebook and msn...
Priase God
Something trigger me to do that .
No more pervert talk from that person .talking about breast cup size and sexual experience he had or he does self masturbation.
And then...
another..also buy buy ..
No more complaining I dun go out with him , and demand me this and that.
Suddenly there is so much peace.
I remember when I removed fat ass from my account . At first , it was painful .But then came , peacefulness for the whole month and forever..Till I allow these few jerks in my life to make my life upside down and sleepless in Singapore.
So Back to 1 ..focus on my job..
focus on my goals..
focus on helping others..
Focus on true friends.......
Well , I got rid of cancer cell in my facebook and msn...
Priase God
Sunday, July 31, 2011
thanks
I think I am more clearly ..when I talk to wise people.
At least I dont get confused and low .
Yoda said ," You need to know what are the thing u should avoid."
And My australia friend ,encourage something which I had to remember. I will make it through .
I will
At least I dont get confused and low .
Yoda said ," You need to know what are the thing u should avoid."
And My australia friend ,encourage something which I had to remember. I will make it through .
I will
what wrong with me
I dun feel like exercise . I dun feel like eating . I just feel totally depressed.
What wrong with me
What wrong with me
In the end you should always do the right thing even if it's hard."
It is like 3 am .Then the stoopid feverish sink it again .So what I do ? I swalloing panadol like sweets.
Sleepless again.
A lot of things had been bothering me. Nicholas Spark quotes . I always love. Maybe This day I will spend on t
I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.
People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past."
I dont know why there are times I dwell on past .And I realised that i had seen people who dwell on the ones from the past .So was it the reason why one would feel hurt if I brought up people past? I tried to make an effort not to brought the past . But it is not easy . sometimes something just struck in you .. It is meeting your ex bf on Mrt station .Someone told me it is unavoidable. and another friend of mine could stay without pain with his ex gf . That make people start thinking if he is still dwelling on the past .But everybody had different lifes. It is not for me to question or think anymore except about myself.
They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other ever day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other."
Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Loves is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It dose not take offense and is not resentful. Love take no pleasure in others people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."
Not much people can ready do that . I think .......maybe afterall ,not only people know what is love .
"I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices youo face might be."
So it is like , maybe I should just MIA for a period. start forgetting who I m . And break free from every tangles I had inside this heart of mine.So it is at least good to M I A . I don't need anybody to support me at this period or sympathies me .Because it make me feel more weak and vulnerable. And it is good to burn all bridges because at least u feel that it is alright to take any trouble by yourself and leave the good memories behind. That what my dad taught me about love.
That what movie taught me about love . He was leaving . She was crying .He broke up with her and make her believe that she was not the one anymore for him . but nobody realised that he was did that so that she could get on with life .And she always thought her as a heartless man,till someone told her that he had die .
I remember crying trillion times watching this romantic movie. Dying young?
Okay ......Here is a song i like ...
Air Supply Good bye....
In the end you should always do the right thing even if it's hard."
3:00 am ....taking my sweets and preparing to go back to sleep.
Sleepless again.
A lot of things had been bothering me. Nicholas Spark quotes . I always love. Maybe This day I will spend on t
I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.
People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past."
I dont know why there are times I dwell on past .And I realised that i had seen people who dwell on the ones from the past .So was it the reason why one would feel hurt if I brought up people past? I tried to make an effort not to brought the past . But it is not easy . sometimes something just struck in you .. It is meeting your ex bf on Mrt station .Someone told me it is unavoidable. and another friend of mine could stay without pain with his ex gf . That make people start thinking if he is still dwelling on the past .But everybody had different lifes. It is not for me to question or think anymore except about myself.
They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other ever day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other."
Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Loves is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It dose not take offense and is not resentful. Love take no pleasure in others people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."
Not much people can ready do that . I think .......maybe afterall ,not only people know what is love .
"I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices youo face might be."
So it is like , maybe I should just MIA for a period. start forgetting who I m . And break free from every tangles I had inside this heart of mine.So it is at least good to M I A . I don't need anybody to support me at this period or sympathies me .Because it make me feel more weak and vulnerable. And it is good to burn all bridges because at least u feel that it is alright to take any trouble by yourself and leave the good memories behind. That what my dad taught me about love.
That what movie taught me about love . He was leaving . She was crying .He broke up with her and make her believe that she was not the one anymore for him . but nobody realised that he was did that so that she could get on with life .And she always thought her as a heartless man,till someone told her that he had die .
I remember crying trillion times watching this romantic movie. Dying young?
Okay ......Here is a song i like ...
Air Supply Good bye....
In the end you should always do the right thing even if it's hard."
3:00 am ....taking my sweets and preparing to go back to sleep.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future
Lately I am going through a nasty patch of my life . Really nasty .
I dun know why.
I become more and more fearful each day.
Today I say the words , I not suppose to say . I think I just want to be nasty and hurt whoever who hurt my friends or insult my friends.
Jay say..Dun waste people time. Hmm..Got abit hurt. maybe we all shouldnt be wasting our time...He is refering to the other friend who I had so much hope in .
I think I hope too much in him .Or maybe I was overboard ?
but so much things I kept inside..
Then I felt that I lost my friends . Nobody cares. I am all alone .U can in a shopping mall , there is people around u . The one beside u may be your friends .But suddenly , U dun understand why u feel like u are all alone .Living in your world and U wish u can see or hear anybody .But then every sms become hurtful words to me.
U felt totally piss with everything . And wonder why the stoopid doctor dun prescribed sleeping medicine? because U really wish to sleep your day off each day .
Dun talk to anybody .Dun be friend with anybody .
Just me again.
I had two years of depression and I thought perhaps this decision might bring with it some acceptance, an end to the turmoil each month. Instead I am left with an aching emptiness and overwhelming grief and sadness especially lately . I don’t feel any certainty either that I have made the right decision in life . But I do know that I can’t keep riding this rollercoaster of emotions each month, so it is time to step off the ride.I suddenly think it is good for me to cut off all friends. So that maybe after all , she just went away quietly. well ,it is good that I had disappear ,then to left with agonzing pain left behind.
I guess cameraman doesn’t agree with any of this. He thinks I am making a mistake and that I will regret everything . We can’t seem to talk about it anymore without it ending in an argument and tears, so we’ve stopped talking about it. I didnt just cut off the line . I went to see people flying kite at puggol . It is beautiful yet
I feel like such a failure – a failure for the months....
Okay . I know I hurt u all.
Well ,Aplogise to any friend who find me really ...whatever...
I dun know why.
I become more and more fearful each day.
Today I say the words , I not suppose to say . I think I just want to be nasty and hurt whoever who hurt my friends or insult my friends.
Jay say..Dun waste people time. Hmm..Got abit hurt. maybe we all shouldnt be wasting our time...He is refering to the other friend who I had so much hope in .
I think I hope too much in him .Or maybe I was overboard ?
but so much things I kept inside..
Then I felt that I lost my friends . Nobody cares. I am all alone .U can in a shopping mall , there is people around u . The one beside u may be your friends .But suddenly , U dun understand why u feel like u are all alone .Living in your world and U wish u can see or hear anybody .But then every sms become hurtful words to me.
U felt totally piss with everything . And wonder why the stoopid doctor dun prescribed sleeping medicine? because U really wish to sleep your day off each day .
Dun talk to anybody .Dun be friend with anybody .
Just me again.
I had two years of depression and I thought perhaps this decision might bring with it some acceptance, an end to the turmoil each month. Instead I am left with an aching emptiness and overwhelming grief and sadness especially lately . I don’t feel any certainty either that I have made the right decision in life . But I do know that I can’t keep riding this rollercoaster of emotions each month, so it is time to step off the ride.I suddenly think it is good for me to cut off all friends. So that maybe after all , she just went away quietly. well ,it is good that I had disappear ,then to left with agonzing pain left behind.
I guess cameraman doesn’t agree with any of this. He thinks I am making a mistake and that I will regret everything . We can’t seem to talk about it anymore without it ending in an argument and tears, so we’ve stopped talking about it. I didnt just cut off the line . I went to see people flying kite at puggol . It is beautiful yet
I feel like such a failure – a failure for the months....
Okay . I know I hurt u all.
Well ,Aplogise to any friend who find me really ...whatever...
Friday, July 29, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Oh no...
r Geraldine,
Oh please! Stop being such a pessimist!! You are wallowing in self pity at the moment, pick up your socks and stop feeling sorry for yourself! Your depression is making you feel very down, but don’t let it get the better of you. If you are feeling that bad, have you been back to the doctor to discuss the problem? Are you still taking those weight loss pills?
Get out your Bible at night time – or if you have lots of time at work, look up the bible on your computer and have a read - I think another visit to the doctor is needed!!!!!
PS you are not worthless, just directionless at the moment – don’t lower your standards just to feel wanted – not worth it, as in the end you will feel worse!
Oh please! Stop being such a pessimist!! You are wallowing in self pity at the moment, pick up your socks and stop feeling sorry for yourself! Your depression is making you feel very down, but don’t let it get the better of you. If you are feeling that bad, have you been back to the doctor to discuss the problem? Are you still taking those weight loss pills?
Get out your Bible at night time – or if you have lots of time at work, look up the bible on your computer and have a read - I think another visit to the doctor is needed!!!!!
PS you are not worthless, just directionless at the moment – don’t lower your standards just to feel wanted – not worth it, as in the end you will feel worse!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Not becoming a dirt
thats right...
listen to me
at this stage
both of them is not stable
any third party coming in will only end up dirt
regardless of whatever they do...
they need to settle the problem themselve
i dun wan u to beome dirts...
listen to me
at this stage
both of them is not stable
any third party coming in will only end up dirt
regardless of whatever they do...
they need to settle the problem themselve
i dun wan u to beome dirts...
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Thinsg to be remember
xxx says:
neutral...
a word which is hard to define
but the time comes...
u will know what to do
I am happy and grateful now that money comes to me in increasing says:
i keep this words on my blog .
thx
NEUTRAL
neutral...
a word which is hard to define
but the time comes...
u will know what to do
I am happy and grateful now that money comes to me in increasing says:
i keep this words on my blog .
thx
NEUTRAL
Sunday, July 10, 2011
开心鬼上身
开心鬼上身高清在线观看。影片主角相满是一位为生活和寂寞所累的男子，企图用自杀结束 郁闷的一生。谁知，四个鬼魂借机附体，企图利用相满的肉身完成自
A korea drama which make me cried .
I guess it is been in his shoes , make me more tearful.Actually I thought it should be a laughter show . didnt expect it to be a slow story ....
Touched...Maybe ..afterall, life is not just you only ....
结局真的是很出人意料，最后他恢复记忆那段音乐出来时，我的眼泪立刻就出来了，好长时间没有看一部电影会看到流泪的时候了，电影真的很感人，值得推荐。
A korea drama which make me cried .
I guess it is been in his shoes , make me more tearful.Actually I thought it should be a laughter show . didnt expect it to be a slow story ....
Touched...Maybe ..afterall, life is not just you only ....
结局真的是很出人意料，最后他恢复记忆那段音乐出来时，我的眼泪立刻就出来了，好长时间没有看一部电影会看到流泪的时候了，电影真的很感人，值得推荐。
Monday, July 4, 2011
Postive Activity
1) Jogging
2) Learning art or skills
3)Play with Lucky
4)Go aerobic
5)Volunteering- playing with kids
6) Listen to a favourite song
)Take that old multicolored rag that you’ve used to wipe paint from brushes. Stretch it, frame it, and call it some thing like “random art.” Carve sculptures out of soap. Watch but ter flies in flight. Photograph birds in a tree.
2) Learning art or skills
3)Play with Lucky
4)Go aerobic
5)Volunteering- playing with kids
6) Listen to a favourite song
)Take that old multicolored rag that you’ve used to wipe paint from brushes. Stretch it, frame it, and call it some thing like “random art.” Carve sculptures out of soap. Watch but ter flies in flight. Photograph birds in a tree.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
I dun want to Go out problem advice.
The problem of not wanting to go with them is just the depression, and nothing to fear, it is normal. The next time you are asked, grit your teeth, say yes and make sure that you go. It is something that you will have to force yourself to do, otherwise you will become a recluse and be even more 'down'. This will take courage and determination, but you must grasp the situation and go through with it - so the next time you are asked, say yes and follow through - you will feel sick, frightened and you won't want to go, but once you get to the outing, you will be ok, it's the going that is the terrible part.
The best way to start is to go out for lunch with your colleagues when they ask, start small and during the day and then when they go out at night, then you will be able to manage it!
The best way to start is to go out for lunch with your colleagues when they ask, start small and during the day and then when they go out at night, then you will be able to manage it!
Friday, July 1, 2011
the emperor new drug
Lately I had been reading book on how to cut down your prescription of anti depressant tablet.
I had invest much of buying book online on depression.
Unstruck by Gordon james were very helpful . I borrowed this book from the library and decided to buy it online.
I am also reading the other book called the Emperor'S New drug .So is it really an emporer new drug.
I will update on this website after finishing reading them .
I had invest much of buying book online on depression.
Unstruck by Gordon james were very helpful . I borrowed this book from the library and decided to buy it online.
I am also reading the other book called the Emperor'S New drug .So is it really an emporer new drug.
I will update on this website after finishing reading them .
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Sick lately
I am feeling kinda of sick lately . I would feel symptoms of weakness, stomach upset and nervous outbreak.
I dont know what wrong with me. I guess I will be stopping the slimming pill ,although it is effective in cutting down my weights. It really cause me insomia.
And I am sinus infection . It simply make my head more heavy and tiring and painful
http://www.sweetadditions.net/health/sinus-infection-home-remedy-using-salt-water
Maybe I should try this theraphy . But it is really gosh feeling to run the salt water into your nose as I hate letting ENT doctor put something through my nose .
I think I am getting sick commnly these few weeks
So sick that I dun know it is all in my brain or I actually really sick .I didnt go for all my classes. Aerobic , Kickboxing yoga...
I dont know what wrong with me. I guess I will be stopping the slimming pill ,although it is effective in cutting down my weights. It really cause me insomia.
And I am sinus infection . It simply make my head more heavy and tiring and painful
http://www.sweetadditions.net/health/sinus-infection-home-remedy-using-salt-water
Maybe I should try this theraphy . But it is really gosh feeling to run the salt water into your nose as I hate letting ENT doctor put something through my nose .
I think I am getting sick commnly these few weeks
So sick that I dun know it is all in my brain or I actually really sick .I didnt go for all my classes. Aerobic , Kickboxing yoga...
Encouraging email
Dear sddYou have to stop thinking of what other people think of you. You are not thinking straight - you have to settle down and concentrate on getting through a day, without thinking of what other people think.
You owe your employers and those working with you to be fully awake at work, and fully asleep at night so you can work efficiently. Therefore you have to work out whether being slim is more important than working and keeping employed. If you were unemployed you would not be able to afford the medications that you need and would be worse off.
Just remember Geraldine, even with your extra weight you are still only the half the size of me and I am quite happy with the size I am - it is what God has given me, and if He thinks that this is what is good for me, then it's what I have to live with. We both have to exercise to keep our bodies in shape, we both need lots of sleep (I am fighting with trying to get to bed earlier so I can get some more sleep) and you have to come to the conclusion that what you are at the moment is where God wants you. Have you checked with the doctor as to whether you should be taking the slimming medication? Do you think that because you are taking it, it is making your depression worse?
Stick to your depression medication and be the Geraldine we love. Hard working, good to be around and don't worry about the weight!!!! We love you as you are!!!
You owe your employers and those working with you to be fully awake at work, and fully asleep at night so you can work efficiently. Therefore you have to work out whether being slim is more important than working and keeping employed. If you were unemployed you would not be able to afford the medications that you need and would be worse off.
Just remember Geraldine, even with your extra weight you are still only the half the size of me and I am quite happy with the size I am - it is what God has given me, and if He thinks that this is what is good for me, then it's what I have to live with. We both have to exercise to keep our bodies in shape, we both need lots of sleep (I am fighting with trying to get to bed earlier so I can get some more sleep) and you have to come to the conclusion that what you are at the moment is where God wants you. Have you checked with the doctor as to whether you should be taking the slimming medication? Do you think that because you are taking it, it is making your depression worse?
Stick to your depression medication and be the Geraldine we love. Hard working, good to be around and don't worry about the weight!!!! We love you as you are!!!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Dead kitty and Tears me.
It suppose to going home to rest .But as I took bus to Ang mo kio , got to change at 854 and walked along the connector . I saw a white orange kitten .It is lying by the tree . I am fearful of cat .Very fearful .But the poor cat lying there. I wanted to help him or her . I wanted too . I don’t dare to touch her. I tried very hard to see if it is living , any movement of it little stomach . I don’t know if the wind will blowing or I am hallunicating . I think I saw him open his eyes .His fragile green eyes I thought I saw it .
I google my mobile to find SPCA and called SPCA report the case of ill cat . The authority asked me to push the cat . I told him , I am afraid of CAT . And He told me , I think he is dead .How do you know I asked him ? He said , you saw any movement ? “ I think I saw . I think I really saw. He is just fragile and weak .does his head turn to you . Nope.
He asked for my name .Geraldine I told him.
And he said that stay there with the cat .And he get his guys to help . Bangkok road , what the lamppost I told him everything. Suddenly I stand beside the cat . I start to tremble. Tremble because I am fearful ,yet I felt sad.
Then a lady walked past , gal , why are u standing there? This cat had died on Friday .
I was desvasted .Died on Friday?
I start to tears .Like a little gal who lost her way in shopping malls . I tried to control my emotions .But I cant help it . I broke down . Good thing was the guy was here.I sms all my best friends . Asked them for help . I think someone actually called me and heard me crying . he was like alamak . why are u crying ?
I told him , I saw a weak cat lying by the pole…When the guy came .He said ,” Gal , I think he is dead.”
I was like devasted. Dead. No .. cant be . I think I saw his eyes .The guy told me,” If it your cat?”
“Nope.” I replied tearfully . He said , “U amazed me .I thought u are the owner of this cat .”
I think he is telling me to stop the tears , get a grip of myself and he offered me a car pool back to my home. I cant stop crying …
When I reach home, My mum was shocked. Who bullied you again ?
The guy told my mum ,”Aunty your daughter crying over a dead cat by the street knocked down by bicycle.She too soft hearted”
Mum scolded me get a grip of yourself . It is not your mum died .Why you so worked out?”
I guess this is me. I sms lifang , I told her , I dun understand why God create and then he take it away .He is just a kittens . Small kitten . I am still tearing .
My poor dog followed me around and lick my tears .He know something wrong with me. I tried very hard to make out the sms .
Then Kind camera man also wanted to help . I guess because he sms me . I think it make me feel easier and not afraid . Someone to share my fear and worries. Thank God. I am grateful for cameraman help .
I went home , I took my anti depressant pills and some cough mixture nausea medicine . And I told my mum , I going to sleep.
Fang , u are super AH Q ,I got to learn from u . You said the kitten recinerate lioa , it is nomore kitten .U think like tat hor.
hahahahah.
I burst into laughter. My mum was pissed with my sudden cry sudden outbreak of laughter.
Well …..I guess I confessesed I am very sentimental and soft hearted.That why when I was went for career eq test by company , the test result said I suited counseling and social work because of my compassion.
Then my mum said ,” If you are a nurse ,like my friend, she faced death every single day . She laughing at you .” Coz you would had no tears anymore.”
I don’t ask for more. I just felt sad that a poor kitten had been killed . And nobody offer a helping hand . If he is knocked down on Friday .I feel sad that I couldn’t do much to help him .
I suddenly thought too much ..Like a train of thought going through my brain .
n your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.
“I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am thirty two and I am already exhausted.”
I google my mobile to find SPCA and called SPCA report the case of ill cat . The authority asked me to push the cat . I told him , I am afraid of CAT . And He told me , I think he is dead .How do you know I asked him ? He said , you saw any movement ? “ I think I saw . I think I really saw. He is just fragile and weak .does his head turn to you . Nope.
He asked for my name .Geraldine I told him.
And he said that stay there with the cat .And he get his guys to help . Bangkok road , what the lamppost I told him everything. Suddenly I stand beside the cat . I start to tremble. Tremble because I am fearful ,yet I felt sad.
Then a lady walked past , gal , why are u standing there? This cat had died on Friday .
I was desvasted .Died on Friday?
I start to tears .Like a little gal who lost her way in shopping malls . I tried to control my emotions .But I cant help it . I broke down . Good thing was the guy was here.I sms all my best friends . Asked them for help . I think someone actually called me and heard me crying . he was like alamak . why are u crying ?
I told him , I saw a weak cat lying by the pole…When the guy came .He said ,” Gal , I think he is dead.”
I was like devasted. Dead. No .. cant be . I think I saw his eyes .The guy told me,” If it your cat?”
“Nope.” I replied tearfully . He said , “U amazed me .I thought u are the owner of this cat .”
I think he is telling me to stop the tears , get a grip of myself and he offered me a car pool back to my home. I cant stop crying …
When I reach home, My mum was shocked. Who bullied you again ?
The guy told my mum ,”Aunty your daughter crying over a dead cat by the street knocked down by bicycle.She too soft hearted”
Mum scolded me get a grip of yourself . It is not your mum died .Why you so worked out?”
I guess this is me. I sms lifang , I told her , I dun understand why God create and then he take it away .He is just a kittens . Small kitten . I am still tearing .
My poor dog followed me around and lick my tears .He know something wrong with me. I tried very hard to make out the sms .
Then Kind camera man also wanted to help . I guess because he sms me . I think it make me feel easier and not afraid . Someone to share my fear and worries. Thank God. I am grateful for cameraman help .
I went home , I took my anti depressant pills and some cough mixture nausea medicine . And I told my mum , I going to sleep.
Fang , u are super AH Q ,I got to learn from u . You said the kitten recinerate lioa , it is nomore kitten .U think like tat hor.
hahahahah.
I burst into laughter. My mum was pissed with my sudden cry sudden outbreak of laughter.
Well …..I guess I confessesed I am very sentimental and soft hearted.That why when I was went for career eq test by company , the test result said I suited counseling and social work because of my compassion.
Then my mum said ,” If you are a nurse ,like my friend, she faced death every single day . She laughing at you .” Coz you would had no tears anymore.”
I don’t ask for more. I just felt sad that a poor kitten had been killed . And nobody offer a helping hand . If he is knocked down on Friday .I feel sad that I couldn’t do much to help him .
I suddenly thought too much ..Like a train of thought going through my brain .
n your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.
“I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am thirty two and I am already exhausted.”
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Lately , Black dog following me around
LAtely My Black dog had been following me around .
I know it because I had no mood for anything .Basically everything. It is good because it stop me from spending excess. But then it is like I had no mood to exercise go for any of my lessons.
Now I am now trying to reading the daily bread .
I have been dreaming about funny things lately . Like my cousin baby .
I dont know why. I think Sub consiously maybe I was envying him alot .
He had a baby son now. And the baby look cute .
But I wasnt invited.
So I dreamt about I was invited and all the doctor was there and I was left at the door .
Just as I always go to his place and I had to wait together with his patient for just helping him out . I got fed up of his ignorant and proud ways . I decided not to help him at all.
So ..sub consious I am dreaming of him.
lately I am reading a book called Unstruck . I was thinking whether should I buy this book .To be honest , the book had good recommendation and help step to guide you .But then ...It is not cheap .
Then when I start buying this book , there are some book inside which recommends more about other books And i shall be openning the sha jie and keep purchasing again.
No I dont want that to happen .
I know it because I had no mood for anything .Basically everything. It is good because it stop me from spending excess. But then it is like I had no mood to exercise go for any of my lessons.
Now I am now trying to reading the daily bread .
I have been dreaming about funny things lately . Like my cousin baby .
I dont know why. I think Sub consiously maybe I was envying him alot .
He had a baby son now. And the baby look cute .
But I wasnt invited.
So I dreamt about I was invited and all the doctor was there and I was left at the door .
Just as I always go to his place and I had to wait together with his patient for just helping him out . I got fed up of his ignorant and proud ways . I decided not to help him at all.
So ..sub consious I am dreaming of him.
lately I am reading a book called Unstruck . I was thinking whether should I buy this book .To be honest , the book had good recommendation and help step to guide you .But then ...It is not cheap .
Then when I start buying this book , there are some book inside which recommends more about other books And i shall be openning the sha jie and keep purchasing again.
No I dont want that to happen .
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Instead of THis ..Changing to THIS...Who cares if It is not HEALTHY
Instead of THE Beer ..NEXT TIME I go into Ice-cream ..who care if it is not healthy. It is better than mixing the beer with medicine.....
OKAY ..I am just FINE..
Tat little monster in me and Alf fighting it everyday
I also end up drinking cocktail of beers and drugs . I think I went Gila.
And my poor dog accompany me to my craziness. Good thing is I am still alive.
I Guess I should be satisfied in life. For a minute I must , I should. Lately the dry spells just come into me. I would just collapse at least . But this afternoon I forced myself to go to the gym and had a short run .It was wisely advise to get some exercise system into me because it keep the black dog at bay . SO …..I must …Although I met some people on the way to the office and they give that kind of look . “U always run but never see u slim down .”
Well , within my heart , I felt like yelling back at them ,” TO THE HELL, U don’t know what is it like to be depressed. And nothing would work for me because I am depressed. If I am as healthy as u all , I won’t be wat I am now.I am what I am because of u all…”
Then I thought .Maybe after all , they aren’t talking about me. I am just oversensitive.
Even a simple facebook , brought a lot of depression back to me. I download the photos which I havent download to get the track record of my running rounds. I start to saw..OH ..funny picture. I don’t know what I had done when a recent of black dog attacked me. I brought my lucky along and Poor him .But he was good as he guarded me against bad people.
INTo alot of craziness.....A desire to SPEND ..
Kind Rxxxx said she would accompany for social matchmaking . I asked Alf .And she said No . she want shopping .Alf had been part of my life lately . Totally completely in my life . I can say without her, I would go more insane.She would crack the right jokes at the right time to make me feel better. And she had been tolerant of me. No t many people would understand the sudden break out of emotions inside a depressed soul . And not much people can tolerant our minds as we tend to imagine things a lot .And I remember one friend tell me off indirectly , U are hard to be friend with . I had to learn to be careful .
There is nothing hard beening with us . IT is just a true honest friendship . It is worthmore than learning to be anything. And I guess some people are inbuild in them . Like Alf ,Cin , and blah blah …… I don’t know they always happen to get the right words and right time and it seem to shoo that black evil dog away for a time being.
For a minute , MSN become heaven so it facebook . Facebook become hell ,when u start to google about your ex bf . Why the hell am I doing googling my ex bf? I don’t know . something just got into my head. I am a person who cant live forward, I tend to droole about the past a lot.And poor Alf took hours and hours inmidst of her busy working period to talk some sense into me.hahahahaahahahahhaah..I adoring her. I afraid I get too reliance on her and she got sick of me one day . But I pray that day wont come and my friendship with all my true friend would last a lifetime. I remember the day I wanted to kill myself that was very long time ago , and she sms me . She will transfer money into my bank and I went to Serene house to run refuge. Mind. Thinking back . I am not ALONE . I do have friends.Alf also helped me in my shopping maniac.She stop me from shopping maniac on my blue tuesday . I wanted to buy something from Gmarket..hahahah..she spend time discouraging me.
My kickboxing teacher haunted me, coz I been skipping her classes. I cant understand why I paid for it then I just skipped it . Before I go , I will find thousand of excuses. I am feeling sick. I need a rest .Then I just skipped it .The most encouraging thing is she took the effort to sms me.
I confess to her the black dog had stopped me from doing anything except for going to work and returning home. And when I asked her about matchmaking. She replied .”My dear girl ,just stay away from relationship for now . Don’t go for any matchmaking for now . Adjust yourself rist . You must be confident of yourself first .Dont go for all these matchmaking until you know what your direction for life.”
And lately I am craze into Zippo Lighter. I DON’T SMOKE. But I happen to purchase one from 77th Street and gone into craze and looking into them online . I find that it is cheaper to get it online. Why would Ibuy a lighter?
Maybe in my subscious , I wanted something somehow to light up my life . Coz I feel I am in darkness for a long long period . I really wanted somehow something to show me a light where I can follow. Or light make me think of people seeing light at the end of tunnel and u follow towards it .
It s nice to see that warm sms of hong and yang….Yah It is like telling me , Hello ..Gal , u are still alive , U still can reiceved sms sia.
Poor Yoda spend time to talk me out of it . Yah . I saved money and didn’t but it .
My desire list
“ A cool looking ear piece for iphone.”
A wire trapper to wrap my wire around.
Laozhi book
UNSTRUCK BOOK about depression.
Mindfulness.
Compression clothing . I went to vertical marathon and I was brainwashed to get ace compression clothing at 120 .But I guess.. I shouldn’t think about tat ……
Later should I go aerobics..or should I .? What wrong with me? I wish somebody can tell me.Coz I cant help myself anyway.
Later should I go Kinko and find refuge..But …whatever…shouldn’t u be ….
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Encouragement from MY guide
Geraldine,
What can I say? Lots of people love you as you are, and you have to love yourself as you are – you have to be happy in your own skin, remember, the people who say the worst things are the ones that are the fattest, most stupid, inferior people. Just think about the people who have caused you to be miserable – are they happy people? No. They are sad people and they want other people to be sad so that they feel better.
You have to be happy in your own skin – and the moment someone wants you to be different because of their ideas, drop them, they aren’t worth it. We love you for what you are – a great sense of humour, willing to help, being helpful to others, going on fun runs and helping others, just being a great person. Again, the moment someone wants you to change, they are inferior – remember that!
I hope the weekend is a better one for you – and no desperate talking online – have a rest and be happy with yourself – you are worth it (and no more dieting of any description – just eat healthy, do your exercise and remember – better to be happy in head than miserable in head and body just to look good for someone else!)
Hang in there,
Love,
G
What can I say? Lots of people love you as you are, and you have to love yourself as you are – you have to be happy in your own skin, remember, the people who say the worst things are the ones that are the fattest, most stupid, inferior people. Just think about the people who have caused you to be miserable – are they happy people? No. They are sad people and they want other people to be sad so that they feel better.
You have to be happy in your own skin – and the moment someone wants you to be different because of their ideas, drop them, they aren’t worth it. We love you for what you are – a great sense of humour, willing to help, being helpful to others, going on fun runs and helping others, just being a great person. Again, the moment someone wants you to change, they are inferior – remember that!
I hope the weekend is a better one for you – and no desperate talking online – have a rest and be happy with yourself – you are worth it (and no more dieting of any description – just eat healthy, do your exercise and remember – better to be happy in head than miserable in head and body just to look good for someone else!)
Hang in there,
Love,
G
Friday, June 17, 2011
jittery effect .SLIM down by 2KG ..But I going crazy
I was desperate to get thin asap . Exercise was always on my mind .But this time , I brought the medicine from Nature farm . And guess what . I had jittery for 2 days .Today worst . I tried reduce dosage .But I am still jittery . I planning to throw away the medicine treat as lost money because it was stated that it fight with depression and i google , there are people advicing to stop it as it will create high blood pressure and heart attack .
Maybe I will post online and give it to people for half price .
Maybe I will post online and give it to people for half price .
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Good things happening
Alot of good things come today .
Sean helped me to solve the HTML ..
And then alot of good things coming...
I was invited for a dinner tomorrow. YAHOO...
And .... Everything getting better....Reeena helped me out in fixing the iphone ...
Well , I do find some irritrating and weridos and freaks in my life journey .Alot ...a puppy was roasted alive...I was like saying ..wtf ..how could they do such thing to a beautiful pup ...But as it was well said you had the bad things happen so that you can see the good things infront of you .ahahahahah...
Sean helped me to solve the HTML ..
And then alot of good things coming...
I was invited for a dinner tomorrow. YAHOO...
And .... Everything getting better....Reeena helped me out in fixing the iphone ...
Well , I do find some irritrating and weridos and freaks in my life journey .Alot ...a puppy was roasted alive...I was like saying ..wtf ..how could they do such thing to a beautiful pup ...But as it was well said you had the bad things happen so that you can see the good things infront of you .ahahahahah...
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Hahaha.. BACK TO NORMAL
The funniest Thing ...
I helped you ...
What helped me? U forgotten Who am I ..... I am a air stewardess . SIA gal .
hahahahah.. .
I sexy enough ..... He will be super geeko and then I pretend to be his friend , and make him fall for me and then ask him to go to die. ahhahahah...
Anotehr said ,"Dont waste time on idoits ." He will get retribution easily ."
Comon It is fun . He is DAAM FAT, and nomatter what . does he had landed property , owe a company , condonimum , car ? "What Dun have?" Wzzzzzz is thousand times better than him .....He cant even make it for any gal out there..... And He critise about fatness when he is daam fat and more fatter than you .....WOW cow .. i feel like laughing my teeth drop.....
I think It is wasting time playing with him ...Forget it . ...
Gal.,NExt time becareful dont trust any guys out there.
Another say . I told you .... I told you right . You know what He is crazy ,He was dumped by all the gals .So he just vent in on you .
If he is handsome ,rich own a condo , I no comments. BUt he is So ugly looking and still set high standard. Moever .. after reading his facebook account , I feel like bursting ...Man health . Pls loh .The face is like shit .It is like make out one .
Okay . Great AH gal I beg you be strong . Dont let idoits play around with you .
What wrong been single ?
Nothing wrong ?
I ve friend who are singlet yet happy .So dont let all these guys make fun of you .
You are beautiful .
Very sharp features .
You must confident
Dont let people put you down .
But to be honest , I can gurantee that kind of freak will be single forever with his attitude . I think he is got something wrong with brain .Everything also post online .Very lonely , very deperate and pathetic . Those gal who dumped him were cool . SUPER COOL ..freak ..Yah he is indeed ..ahahhahah.
One asked... did you go out with him ?
Nope
Are u in relationship ?
I dun know.
But if kind of like leh ..Wah lan , pls loh . You .Yah .Not that kind of like.
That means it is nothing loh . U are very cheeky I know .Told you not to talk with such a person . He is egotic .
I think Lxxx said very well of that person . I cant remember what .
Wxxxxxx ....
There will be retribution for this FAT JERK ,Not say I depise him ...But HE is SUPER FAT .... cant never find love or any beauty to love him .He pay money to build himself up . Inside of him is sUPER UGLY . No character. No considerate , No caring , Not kind , all the 5cs ..Dont have ..Not I bullshit of myself hor ,At least now , I am muscular and healthy , owe a car , a private landed property and owe a private company loh .
COW ... What good is there in such person ?
.
I helped you ...
What helped me? U forgotten Who am I ..... I am a air stewardess . SIA gal .
hahahahah.. .
I sexy enough ..... He will be super geeko and then I pretend to be his friend , and make him fall for me and then ask him to go to die. ahhahahah...
Anotehr said ,"Dont waste time on idoits ." He will get retribution easily ."
Comon It is fun . He is DAAM FAT, and nomatter what . does he had landed property , owe a company , condonimum , car ? "What Dun have?" Wzzzzzz is thousand times better than him .....He cant even make it for any gal out there..... And He critise about fatness when he is daam fat and more fatter than you .....WOW cow .. i feel like laughing my teeth drop.....
I think It is wasting time playing with him ...Forget it . ...
Gal.,NExt time becareful dont trust any guys out there.
Another say . I told you .... I told you right . You know what He is crazy ,He was dumped by all the gals .So he just vent in on you .
If he is handsome ,rich own a condo , I no comments. BUt he is So ugly looking and still set high standard. Moever .. after reading his facebook account , I feel like bursting ...Man health . Pls loh .The face is like shit .It is like make out one .
Okay . Great AH gal I beg you be strong . Dont let idoits play around with you .
What wrong been single ?
Nothing wrong ?
I ve friend who are singlet yet happy .So dont let all these guys make fun of you .
You are beautiful .
Very sharp features .
You must confident
Dont let people put you down .
But to be honest , I can gurantee that kind of freak will be single forever with his attitude . I think he is got something wrong with brain .Everything also post online .Very lonely , very deperate and pathetic . Those gal who dumped him were cool . SUPER COOL ..freak ..Yah he is indeed ..ahahhahah.
One asked... did you go out with him ?
Nope
Are u in relationship ?
I dun know.
But if kind of like leh ..Wah lan , pls loh . You .Yah .Not that kind of like.
That means it is nothing loh . U are very cheeky I know .Told you not to talk with such a person . He is egotic .
I think Lxxx said very well of that person . I cant remember what .
Wxxxxxx ....
There will be retribution for this FAT JERK ,Not say I depise him ...But HE is SUPER FAT .... cant never find love or any beauty to love him .He pay money to build himself up . Inside of him is sUPER UGLY . No character. No considerate , No caring , Not kind , all the 5cs ..Dont have ..Not I bullshit of myself hor ,At least now , I am muscular and healthy , owe a car , a private landed property and owe a private company loh .
COW ... What good is there in such person ?
.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Not at peace because of a few old photos
I get sleepless at 2 am . I dont know what wrong with me . I wake up . I feel restless.
Hopeless a sense of ....oh ...i waken up again.
I took some sleeping pill to kick me back to sleep.
I am very bothered . Bothered by the fact of a few photos ( of past) . It just like rubbing salt in my wounds.That were an old photos . Indeed I did create a website for it .It is called geocities at weiling. But then I forgot about the whole issue after introducing to some good friends to the website . It is called twinkle twinkle weiling
Now it hurts more because I am nolonger that person in that picture . I am just a fat ass , walking around amd even my colleagues told me," Geraldine, you had been munching and munching and munching."
I unexpectedly munched ,because I am stress . I dont know why I am on anti depressant and I tried very hard to exercise I am still under great stress. It got me more stress when someone tell me he is holding back for years ..Because I afraid of everything in life .
I munched and muched till the fear go away .But it wont . but it only add calories to my body.
I promise myself ,maybe I should go for a jog together to kick my depression at bay .
I allow Mr L to affect my mood . I see mr L comments . I felt like a fool .
Maybe after all , all the time ..whatever.....
OKay .....................where should I go for now?
My brain is restless and not a peace...
It bringing back the hurts of the past ...
But ...Nerd said I can do it . Can use that as motivation to pull myself back together....
I dont know if i can anymore. I feel so low .I am on anti depressant. My sleeping pattern gone haywire. I feel sick lately . I munch my stress away ,but they never did any good ...
I muched and muched when I found MR L said I was needed anymore. So the motivation start to gone......
Hopeless a sense of ....oh ...i waken up again.
I took some sleeping pill to kick me back to sleep.
I am very bothered . Bothered by the fact of a few photos ( of past) . It just like rubbing salt in my wounds.That were an old photos . Indeed I did create a website for it .It is called geocities at weiling. But then I forgot about the whole issue after introducing to some good friends to the website . It is called twinkle twinkle weiling
Now it hurts more because I am nolonger that person in that picture . I am just a fat ass , walking around amd even my colleagues told me," Geraldine, you had been munching and munching and munching."
I unexpectedly munched ,because I am stress . I dont know why I am on anti depressant and I tried very hard to exercise I am still under great stress. It got me more stress when someone tell me he is holding back for years ..Because I afraid of everything in life .
I munched and muched till the fear go away .But it wont . but it only add calories to my body.
I promise myself ,maybe I should go for a jog together to kick my depression at bay .
I allow Mr L to affect my mood . I see mr L comments . I felt like a fool .
Maybe after all , all the time ..whatever.....
OKay .....................where should I go for now?
My brain is restless and not a peace...
It bringing back the hurts of the past ...
But ...Nerd said I can do it . Can use that as motivation to pull myself back together....
I dont know if i can anymore. I feel so low .I am on anti depressant. My sleeping pattern gone haywire. I feel sick lately . I munch my stress away ,but they never did any good ...
I muched and muched when I found MR L said I was needed anymore. So the motivation start to gone......
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