Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future

Lately I am going through a nasty patch of my life . Really nasty .
I dun know why.
I become more and more fearful each day.
Today I say the words , I not suppose to say . I think I just want to be nasty and hurt whoever who hurt my friends or insult my friends.

Jay say..Dun waste people time. Hmm..Got abit hurt. maybe we all shouldnt be wasting our time...He is refering to the other friend who I had so much hope in .

I think I hope too much in him .Or maybe I was overboard ?

but so much things I kept inside..

Then I felt that I lost my friends . Nobody cares. I am all alone .U can in a shopping mall , there is people around u . The one beside u may be your friends .But suddenly , U dun understand why u feel like u are all alone .Living in your world and U wish u can see or hear anybody .But then every sms become hurtful words to me.

U felt totally piss with everything . And wonder why the stoopid doctor dun prescribed sleeping medicine? because U really wish to sleep your day off each day .
Dun talk to anybody .Dun be friend with anybody .

Just me again.

I had two years of depression and I thought perhaps this decision might bring with it some acceptance, an end to the turmoil each month. Instead I am left with an aching emptiness and overwhelming grief and sadness especially lately . I don’t feel any certainty either that I have made the right decision in life . But I do know that I can’t keep riding this rollercoaster of emotions each month, so it is time to step off the ride.I suddenly think it is good for me to cut off all friends. So that maybe after all , she just went away quietly. well ,it is good that I had disappear ,then to left with agonzing pain left behind.

I guess cameraman doesn’t agree with any of this. He thinks I am making a mistake and that I will regret everything . We can’t seem to talk about it anymore without it ending in an argument and tears, so we’ve stopped talking about it. I didnt just cut off the line . I went to see people flying kite at puggol . It is beautiful yet

I feel like such a failure – a failure for the months....

Okay . I know I hurt u all.

Well ,Aplogise to any friend who find me really ...whatever...