That is something for sure I learn through the knocking and falling down of every step I made.

It a long time since I update this blog .
Last night I had my bouts of depression striking me again . I was depressed.
Depressed that nobody really loved me after all. I felt the anger of been cheated by Eric . I despised him more and more .Then as I walked home , I ended up crying. I cried for everything under the sun . The reason was to let go of all the pain which was eating me up . I was scolded by my boss earlier. And that added to my desperate . Everything my notebook break down , Harddisk crash . I had to do something about it . I get insultive remarks from that 4 spectacle crap and sarcastic remarks from her.Then I met my the 2nd bunch they start asking me about doing appraisal and then things which I fear was said to me. All these added to my despair . Don’t worry , you will be the 1st to be get rid of . Instead Wxxx ,Exxxx ,Mike,Exxxx. And then after hearing what they said , I feel totally despair. Oh ..They want to get rid of me. Oh ..maybe I dun have my bonus again ..or whatever.. I imagine….whatever… I even felt betrayed that my so called best friend , Sandtime , didn’t invited me to her ROM while when her ex financee jilted her during wedding night .Now she found a new bf , she don’t need me in her life . And I felt her been pretentious when she asked for my contract no and claimed that she want to invite me to her wedding. But after all the rumors and leaving me when the bunch people condemned me . I guess I see through her. Just like seeing through Eric .
I don’t understand , I tried not to think too much .They may be jokingly about how insane I am so they dumped me to the other side..But I love here…but then ..they claimed that actually they had been planning to get rid of me? I felt my sense of worthless more and more . The worthless added after I confront ed Eric .
The cheerful and grateful thing there are monster s lurking in my life .But there are kind people who turn up at unexpected corner , like Shirleen saying ,” Ignore that Jerk .”
Shirleen was my angel in office during the 8-6pm routine. I basically felt I cant live without her, my reliance on her made me feel fearful that I will lose her. Reena , was another gal I missed. I missed every morning she would cheer up my day by saying OHAYO ..good morning . She give a cheerful simile.
I wish I could write Nickolas’ spark . A few day ago , I met Desmond , my ex bf . I think I met him . He didn’t give me the simile which paul yeo my 1st ex , gave me. Paul yeo , I retained a 2 year relationship with him . He gave me solivus Titus watch to remind our love is eternal . How does it end, I choose not to think about it now as my black dog had just departed and is circling around me and It ready to snap at me.
I think Cindy Soh was a great buddy who entertain my crap of mushy nonsense sms to her. She was my seconday school friend whom we share many secret s. She was successful Ceo of a good company . I believed she had more stress than me ,but she hold her composure very well , in midst of her company , she still take my crap .Then Lifang , who is my MSN angel . I must talk to her , I trying not to disturb her every single day . I fearful that my reliance on her would gave her greif and finding me bothersome.
But She cool . She the lady I swore to to break contract with Eric , and not to go out with him anymore else I die . She added , he die too.
Sister bee choo is back with me . all is well . Sister bee choo gave me ten reasons not to kill myself .There are times I think I want to call Liphong ,but end up I called that bastard Eric . And then I got hurt yesterday by his insensitive and sarcastic remarks. I guess afterall , they were right about him , and I choose or refused to set those kind words from my friends , telling me that he is not good , he is just a multi face worm . Please drop him said Jay Chou , and others…
What was wrong with me? But I know now for sure , I will cut him off from my MSN , everything and keep my distance. Although I feel a sense of gloomly cloud over me, My mum think I will kill myself again .No I wouldn’t coz I am tired and used to all these craps . When ever I been really loved by a guy , well , I used to that . I don’t need their love anymore , I had good friends around me……. And that is enough …
At work , Shirleen (She instantly when I am stress , and my binge eating) what that? It is I used food to fight off tiredness and stress . I hate taking the SSRI , sometimes It make me just want to sleep ……and I just chew onto something to keep me awake ..my whole metabolism, went haywire , I grew FAT and Reena (I wish she was here,sometimes I wonder should I follow her style and run into other industry)but I am fearful of changes . I am fearful of authority. I had a lot of funny ideas in my brain I wish to run over to my kind boss here and said ,I want to be part … but then I afraid ..i will be scolded as nutty lady .….and …
Whatever …take it day as it is …. And corrnie may sang this song …Angel in disguise ..dedicated to people who come to this page ..and let u all know I love you all for been there for me..and all the little craps u all had endured about me.

Love is miserable when it come to boy and gal ,but when it come to love of friends. It become more beautiful again .That is something for sure I learn through the knocking and falling down of every step I made.