Dead kitty and Tears me.

It suppose to going home to rest .But as I took bus to Ang mo kio , got to change at 854 and walked along the connector . I saw a white orange kitten .It is lying by the tree . I am fearful of cat .Very fearful .But the poor cat lying there. I wanted to help him or her . I wanted too . I don’t dare to touch her. I tried very hard to see if it is living , any movement of it little stomach . I don’t know if the wind will blowing or I am hallunicating . I think I saw him open his eyes .His fragile green eyes I thought I saw it .
I google my mobile to find SPCA and called SPCA report the case of ill cat . The authority asked me to push the cat . I told him , I am afraid of CAT . And He told me , I think he is dead .How do you know I asked him ? He said , you saw any movement ? “ I think I saw . I think I really saw. He is just fragile and weak .does his head turn to you . Nope.
He asked for my name .Geraldine I told him.
And he said that stay there with the cat .And he get his guys to help . Bangkok road , what the lamppost I told him everything. Suddenly I stand beside the cat . I start to tremble. Tremble because I am fearful ,yet I felt sad.
Then a lady walked past , gal , why are u standing there? This cat had died on Friday .
I was desvasted .Died on Friday?
I start to tears .Like a little gal who lost her way in shopping malls . I tried to control my emotions .But I cant help it . I broke down . Good thing was the guy was here.I sms all my best friends . Asked them for help . I think someone actually called me and heard me crying . he was like alamak . why are u crying ?
I told him , I saw a weak cat lying by the pole…When the guy came .He said ,” Gal , I think he is dead.”
I was like devasted. Dead. No .. cant be . I think I saw his eyes .The guy told me,” If it your cat?”
“Nope.” I replied tearfully . He said , “U amazed me .I thought u are the owner of this cat .”
I think he is telling me to stop the tears , get a grip of myself and he offered me a car pool back to my home. I cant stop crying …
When I reach home, My mum was shocked. Who bullied you again ?
The guy told my mum ,”Aunty your daughter crying over a dead cat by the street knocked down by bicycle.She too soft hearted”
Mum scolded me get a grip of yourself . It is not your mum died .Why you so worked out?”
I guess this is me. I sms lifang , I told her , I dun understand why God create and then he take it away .He is just a kittens . Small kitten . I am still tearing .
My poor dog followed me around and lick my tears .He know something wrong with me. I tried very hard to make out the sms .
Then Kind camera man also wanted to help . I guess because he sms me . I think it make me feel easier and not afraid . Someone to share my fear and worries. Thank God. I am grateful for cameraman help .
I went home , I took my anti depressant pills and some cough mixture nausea medicine . And I told my mum , I going to sleep.
Fang , u are super AH Q ,I got to learn from u . You said the kitten recinerate lioa , it is nomore kitten .U think like tat hor.
hahahahah.
I burst into laughter. My mum was pissed with my sudden cry sudden outbreak of laughter.
Well …..I guess I confessesed I am very sentimental and soft hearted.That why when I was went for career eq test by company , the test result said I suited counseling and social work because of my compassion.
Then my mum said ,” If you are a nurse ,like my friend, she faced death every single day . She laughing at you .” Coz you would had no tears anymore.”
I don’t ask for more. I just felt sad that a poor kitten had been killed . And nobody offer a helping hand . If he is knocked down on Friday .I feel sad that I couldn’t do much to help him .
I suddenly thought too much ..Like a train of thought going through my brain .
n your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.
“I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am thirty two and I am already exhausted.”