Fat and Worthless ..

Sometimes It is good to be ignorant . Because the more you don’t know , the less pain u had.Suddenly I think I cant be her. She is sweet and beautiful . I am fat and ugly . I don’t know when I will go back to those day without my drugs and kick off this weight. So afterall , I am not good enough .But I feel kind of crushed . because he Childish me had a dream...
Dreams are always crushing when they don't come true. But it's the simple dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You're always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold and it's enough to break your heart."— Nicholas Sparks (Three Weeks with My Brother)
Suddenly the horoscope was right . I become vulnerable. Maybe It I stime I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be."
— Nicholas Sparks (Dear John)
I tried interval training again . Yesterday my aerobic teacher shared with that I had a weak leg . I agreed . And she emphasis on doing squats to train up and tone the muscle else I will always had aches .Because the muscle is weak . And today I went to the gym .There were someone fighting with me for a machine .Well , I just see him as a little boy who want to book the machine where he slowly use the other machine but placed his playstation on his threadmill . I start to think .Typical singapoream .Why cant we just be more gracious by giving other a chance to use the threadmill since u are doing other machines.
Suddenly I feel a sense of gloominess coming over me.
It is not inside that matter in this world . It is the outer. Elana never know how I felt . She is beautiful . She is slim .But she felt that she is ugly as she stated as a blessing of disguise . Human are funny creatures. But I think I feel the pain of been fat . Because been fat will give u a lot of problem.
Fat people are classify as lazy .
Fat people are blamed for food lose in buffet.
Fat people just don’t get priority in love.
Fat People cant find clothes easily.
Nomatter then I suddenly felt he went for a surgery because of her.
Oh Shit .Then I start to feel “YUCKS.” Fat, worthless, ugly. Feel like crying
I am back now from clicking her picture . HER. And I almost cried when I saw her. She is so unbelievably beautiful. What a perfect woman she is. She is drop dead gorgeous - and as thin as I never will be. But now that I am more depressed than I ever was. I could cry. I could scream. I could kill myself. She is so beautiful and she has the body I always wanted to have. I am such a fat fuck. I am a pile of fricking worthless shit. And she is nothing but pure beauty. Perfect. I am not. I am far away from being even close to bearable. I am ugly and fat.
Someone start to tell me Yah we normally tend to idealize people who we don't really know so good. Maybe If you knew her better, you would find flaws in her. Like everybody, she has flaws and virtues, that means You also have virtues and good good features, even if you don't see it... maybe she thinks that YOU are better than her...who knows... anyway i know the feeling of feeling inferior and having to compare myself with other girls...and i'm always the ugliest, fattest, loser...in my eyes, so...i understand completely.
Hahaha..
But
Why everybody had a reason for something ?
U want to beautiful so that u attract guys . But what kind of guys are u attracting? Shallow and guys who may or may not love you a lifetime and u keep trying so hard to keep this guy and your beauty .
If beauty was very important . All the beauty wouldn’t had their hubby leaving them. Because after a while , it is the character and living together make the difference.

Humans: we are all nothing more then an insignificant spoke In a giant cosmic cog that we can not understand... We don't know why were here, who we are, or what the world is. All we know is what has been set up for us by other humans.. Some unstoppable social precedent that demands certain things that we strive to meet... Life is not about reaching perfection or anywhere near it, life is about enjoying moments and doing what you love. Don't read this and think that I don't understand since I'm not anerexic.. I struggle from severe depression but coping and facing your problem head on is the only solution. Change ur state of mind, love yourself and people will love you. Your body is not the most important thing