I should spent almost a few years sitting on park benches in a state of the most intense joy.

Lately I couldn’t live my life properly enough .Too many things happen at the same things . Too many things rock my emotions. But the good things is I had real friends to talk things out .
Here are some quotes The worst thing a guy can do is let a girl fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall....And Superficial love is when someone doesn't really love. They like. They don't take a look at the soul, instead they want the goods on the outside.

Weiling Chan yah I quote someone lah ...I like "t doesn't matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are prefect for each other
Weiling Chan Love is like the wind .U cant it ,but U can feel it and maybe God had a bigger plan for the one for you .By that time,WEILIN .U be lin the journey that wouldnt end.like he been sent to u because u are sick .to help u through all these .There will be an angel in his prefect timing...
Things were said to me that . The real test is whether he still likes and loves her after he get to know her .Although it may feel likelove , it is not necessarily real or lasting .When relationship passes the test of time , love is real . When physical chemisty is not backed up by chemistry in the mind,heart and soul , then it cannot last or grow in time . Once the pleasures and passion of the body are experienced ,without corresponding passion of the mind, heart and soiul , the physical chemisty will dissipate . Physical attraction can be sustained a lifetime only when it springs from the chemistry of mind,heart and soul as well .
Well I really enjoy talking with him and I had good times to share many encounters and motivating .Now I am abit worried that I may struck to my deep void of despair. I was thinking to send this letter .
To Kung Fu Panda,
Things are hard right now, and they seem to just be a big blurry mess. But I don't blame you for any of it. I know this is both of our faults so I don't expect you to say or do anything. I know that we are trying to fix all the screwed up things in our lives right now, and I hope we do get to make everything all better again.

I am only truly happy when I am with you. Your presence just lights up my world. Everything I am and everything I have is dependent upon you.

I am sorry for the way if I have mistreated you in the past and I know you are sorry for mistreating me. We can be happy together if we work everything out, which I think we will.

You are everything to me .I hope We can learn to open up to each other and let each other know how we feel. I also hope that you will be able to recognize when something is wrong. But no matter what we do or where we go, I respect whatever it shall be .Even as Great Buddies or shall we or more than that ,when our heart had opened. You mean the world to me, and I hope that things will go back to normal.
You have overcome many obstacles within your life which have made you the wonderful person you are today. You should be very proud that you have persevered all your experiences and with it you have lived, acknowledged, and learned and you have never intentionally done on to others as it has been done unto you for you know what it feels like and you have the strength to rise above it all. You are generous, honest, humorous, intelligent, kind, loveable, loving, passionate and a wonderful person.The person who will obtain the key within your heart in the future will be blessed to have the love in which you are cable of giving to someone. May God Bless you and always give you the strength for you to continue to grow and love.
XOXOXO

Oh Kind of stupid right?
I cried calling my teacher earlier in the evening after work . I had sms her with shaky hands(Trembling and filled with great sadness suddenly) . I push myself to walk out of office having my last strength to call her. We arranged to meet near our office and we sat on the grass prototyping tis is a beautiful scenery to sit by and we drunk 5% alcohol beverages and talk thing out and all my fears ,lost and despair.I guess to quench my trembling .When I get shocked or upset , my anxiety would overcome me.Glad I was able to make it home .
My teacher was worried about me . At 2:45am , she sms me where am I ? She fear that I will lost my fight with the black dog .I will train to be stronger .
I told her , I suddenly lost the motivation to exercise or do anything because everything in life was a let down to me.
And my parents seem depression in me. But they cant understand the symptoms or what is it?
I went to Novena church to pray for peace and many heart matter.
Then I brought a sandbag and boxing gloves . Planning to be boxer fitness.
Then I also brought books again .Whenever I brought boxes, and go and impulsive spending , that is a sign of depression attacking me. The root problem was still inside my heart .
It was at period of these , I lived in a state of almost continuous anxiety interspersed with periods of suicidal depression.
One night not long after today ,maybe due to my insomnia , I woke up in the early hours with a feeling of absolute dread. I had woken up with such a feeling many times before, but this time it was more intense than it had ever been. The silence of the night, the vague outlines of the furniture in the dark room, the distant noise of a car across my apartment street- everything felt so alien, so hostile, and so utterly meaningless that it created in me a deep loathing of the world. The most loathsome thing of all, however, was my own existence. What was the point in continuing to live with this burden of misery? Why carry on with this continuous struggle? I could feel that a deep longing for annihilation, for nonexistence, was now becoming much stronger than the instinctive desire to continue to live.
"I cannot live with myself any longer." This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. `Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the `I' and the `self' that `I' cannot live with." "Maybe," I thought, "only one of them is real."

I understood that the intense pressure of suffering that night must have forced my consciousness to withdraw from its identification with the unhappy and deeply fearful self, which is ultimately a fiction of the mind. This withdrawal must have been so complete that this false, suffering self immediately collapsed, just as if a plug had been pulled out of an inflatable toy. What was left then was my true nature as the ever-present I am: consciousness in its pure state prior to identification with form. Later I also learned to go into that inner timeless and deathless realm that I had originally perceived as a void and remain fully conscious. I dwelt in states of such indescribable bliss and sacredness that even the original experience I just described pales in comparison.

Maybe the time came when, for a while, I was left with nothing on the physical plane. I had no relationships, no job, no home, no socially defined identity.Maybe I should spent almost a few years sitting on park benches in a state of the most intense joy.

My mum is getting impatient with me as It is 3am and I am awaken