When will the bright light appear?

I feel extremely fatigued in the rmoning and I wonder when will I came back to those day where I am referesh awaken and not tired and nomore big tummy .( I was misunderstood as pregant lady and people give up thier place for me) To the hell , Why am I suffering from a big tummy?

Finding direction and things to keep my mind away from the black dog.

It is not easy . I wanted to help my cousin to fix his website but I got angry knowing that he didn’t invite me for his new baby reception. And my uncle was fast to invite my dad because they want to use my dad to send my grand mum to the place.
I remember going to his place and I was hungry . He was a busy doctor and he said I can wait for him . I waited from morning till night .Then he just say you do this and that .I remember he insulted me. No guy would want me because I am ugly and having no degree. And Now I got a degree. He cliam I am ugly . I am frsurated .He is just dumb and he just had a rich dad who send him oversea when he cant make it in singapore school system.

I start to hate the line drawn between the rich and poor . I dread beening me.
I was struck in facebook , coming in to check my Farmville stocks and café world. I think I am like crazy .

I felt so tried thinking when will I see the good times to comes? When will it come?
When will I shred off this weight ?

When I start to see a direction in my career?

When will I find a loved one ,someone who love me as deep as I love him and create a happy family with him?

When will I get rid of the anti depressant medicine and gloomly thoughts ?

When will thing start to get right ?

At first , I tried to bluff myself listening to Louise Hay and law of attraction .But then . It seem NOTHING . I tried to kill myself on Friday . Aburst . I don’t know why I do that . I felt so frustrated of beening me.
Good thing I tried running yesterday . I run only 4.7 mile . Well , It shake off the black dog for a while..
Now suddenly I felt empty and a quiet sense of emptiness.