Here with me-No u all upthere...

I think I would be running with THIS SONg ...Here with me...
I imagine myself holding a heavy burden and then running uphill with my heavy notebook bag which I hold during i flown back from Melbourne to Singapore.
And then I keep trying to run uphill because .....it was needed for me. Mr Soh and the rest are upstairs with me . He did tell me to stop running and start resting.
My heart must been heavy .Although everything had been taken down .The pain is still there. The insultive and evil cuts they had make through me. Making me low inferior and feel fat now. I make myself a fat ass . I confess .But if for thier evil and crazy way, alot of things happen .And I shouldnt blame them .Because I allow them to torn me up.

I wanted to call Eric Chong and liphong. Thank God .that Urge was killed by the desire of other things. I cant hide...I cannot breathe...Until I keep running ..runnning with my heavy army style shoulder bag ...carry backpack. I dont know why I keep torturing myself....
I cant hide....
I wont sleep ...
I cant breathe......
Until ..My battle is over...
I cant hide... I cannot be....
Until I am resting finally together with grandmum.
Grandmum Wong swee jee..I miss u at times...
How are u upstairs?
Is everything Good?
Good news...something Good happen...although my life suz at times..How do u keep your faith WitH JESUS when everything went wrong in your life"?

my uncle was gambling away your life..
your house..everything...
How could u still sit there and run...
Now Grandmum..I cant run ..I just feel SHIT by little life pokes at me.
I thinking of beening with you . Yet Jesus said this and that....
It is a sign of tiridness..
U know dad and mum is tired of me...
Dad sent me to work daily .
Grandfather u up there too.. I never told much . I just remember during chinese new year . You had helped me to adjust my messy clothing...
Chan Kuang lee Ah gong.. U know me since day 1...I always been like tat .
Filmsy and messy ..And dripping down my nose running ...

I feel tired running this uphill.......And I think like this song ..DIDO .....Here with me...I am what I am... I do what I want ...
I cant hide....
I wont go ...
I wont sleep ...
I cant breathe....until ... I am resting together with you all someday.
I try not to let the black dog bite me. It is not easy .
Dad , your son ...always ferry me to work everyday ...and he sometimes ferry grandmum and my uncle too.So dont worry . Everything okay except that we are always poor . Because I spend money due to OCB ...and my depression .
It kill me mentally....maybe it run in the blood..
But Prozac had kill the creativity of Mozart and Van Gogn Vinc .He was the one draw starry starry night... I guess because it run in our family blood. I may be someone special with creativity like you Grandpa ...U played music..Dad said that . I may be creativity and talented like you . Having that kind of loyalty and friendship which means alot to us...

And wong swee jee ..It is like how u love your children.. And how mummy love me right now . I trying hard to live ..Live to keep myself mentally stable......I can't be ... I won't go .. I wont sleep...until..God call onto me... But at least u could tell people out there to stop attacking us. Wong swee jee grandmum , i realised how hard u had been trying so hard to accept u had a mentally instable children ...and then U struggled.....


Chang Kuang lee, U should be proud of me. Geraldine Chan . My dad chan cheow boo had graduated ..and so did me...........But I had been mowhere here in my job . It is tough struggle .Just like my dad..he is doing the same job as you . I thought maybe ...maybe I should follow the root . be a taxi driver..Is he happy?
maybe he is...whatever..although we are living luxary ...


but ..... I didnt hear u all leave..u all just leave........


Just like this song .. I carrying a heavy bag of shoulderbackpack and run ....run...uphill..HOPING........hOPING...

Thank You for bringing our parents to this world......

Dido

I must keep that in my mind.

When a farmer uses a kind of fertilizer that does not have any
effect, he has to change the fertilizer. The same is true for us. If,
after several months, the practice we are doing has not brought
about any transformation and healing, we have to reconsider the
situation. We must change our approach and learn more in order to
find the right practice that can transform our life and the lives of
the people we love.

Something Good

http://hi.baidu.com/niceday_/blog/item/499dc8d0a40e5f319b5027c2.html

http://hi.baidu.com/niceday_/blog/item/499dc8d0a40e5f319b5027c2.html

i tell my mum I buying this..
.

Away from me

Away from me .....

It is like ..,Pls pls dun snap me . I want to sleep

Oh ...Lucky Was like telling me....Dun snap me . I want to sleep

i LIKE looking at Lucky after he is so tired

Look at My lucky after swimming at Sentosa

Praise The lord

I forgotten what I came in for .
Maybe To Thank God that I had a chance to talk to lay Leng and offer help to her in anyway .

Thank God for loving me . Sister Bee choo called me. Although her conversative is indeed as gloomly as ne. She arranged to meet me this satuday .

Amen .

The motivational ding dang

MY BEST doremon who often .... SHAKE my head ..Till oH no ...Got a bit fed up pf me.

crap yet I am reading

No one wants to go through life on a selfish, heartless road. But it can happen unless we consider where we are going in life and ask the Lord for His direction. May He give us grace today to embrace His Word and follow Him with all our hearts.


Avoid it, do not travel on it;
turn from it and go on your way.
16 For they cannot rest until they do evil;
they are robbed of sleep till they make someone stumble.


hey eat the bread of wickedness
and drink the wine of violence.

18 The path of the righteous is like the morning sun,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
19 But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness;

Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
24 Keep your mouth free of perversity;
keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
25 Let your eyes look straight ahead;
fix your gaze directly before you.
26 Give careful thought to the[a] paths for your feet
and be steadfast in all your ways.
27 Do not turn to the right or the left;
keep your foot from evil.
Yesterday I saw people dicussing christian stuff . I feel crap .

Someimes How one treat u make a difference

The sense of what I should had known yet I felt injustice been done to me

I had a great frustration over me . This sense came when I start to castrophize and I thought it is not what I heard.
I couldnt breathe , I couldnt sleep , I couldnt calm myself down. There were thought of unjust treatment , anger and resentation I had towards so many things.
good things is cin soh , Ang Lai fang and Serene .. the below 2 pick up my call .


I am miserable . I thought of ways to kill myself by popping the whole bottle of sleeping pills and then kill my dog with me .Because I dont think I had a stable income to take care of him and bring him to see the vet for his parasite . From the sound of the what been said to me, It is like indirectly telling me to quit this job .

But I hate been said that I couldnt survie anywhere. And I should Do social work and i feel looked down and tagged by what people like to do ....


I am hurt . I cried .. I died... I slept .. I wake up ...the whole world is moving and I couldnt ......

The fact that It just make u drowsy ,heart rate irregular ..numb the pain for a while

I guess i m alcoholic.i saw the sms.i dun understand y one be bias to me,and to 6ther.,i also dun understd y i m like a trash unwanted used.tat evil man finally got babies.but i m now the eat ugly lady who the security guard,u got baby.everyday takin all kinds of medicine n supplement hopin it will heal me,like prayin to jesus.then he didnt answer.but ask to learn the trade of buhhbda.forgivesness.in repay of my kindress,i m return with sikence quiet pain.evry min,i slip.evry min i write.i tryin n hoping i get t.he state of i nolonger geraldine chan workin in st.my parent n sumetime maybe nobody understd me.charles seet disappear.bee choo disappear.i used think abot wat if.wat if.i no longer can go to past,neither in front,as i yet to accept the current me like my dad or mum does.

The day when my brain run like a too too train

I was awaken by my sleep again . I never get to sleep peaceful . SOmething had bother me again .

Yesterday ,I went to library to throw all the books because I m fed up the short limit time I had to return the book .

Although I think those are my favourite. I decided to concenrate on whatever I had brought first .
I cancel my couselling session for the fear of my boss would scold me for taking too many leaves .

Then it lead me to think how he treated 2 person differently and the flavour was on wicked man . but ...I just drunk to numb all those thoughts .

I did complaint to Cin Soh . I guess she had been busy , as I saw her online . I start to think her and henry kay . that fellow is also CEO ,but she work harded than anybody else.

Maybe afterall...in life , it is time that I stop comparing and thinking too much ...


Later maybe I should go for a job . I popped a sleeping pill.

Yesterday was eventful . The security asked if i am pregnant ...and my mobilestick wasnt return to me yet . I feel so crippled restless..hopless

not to let anybody including myseld down

I had a desire to call someone . But then the feeling went away .
I tried to register for my leave yesterday and cliam stuff .But I dun know what wrong with my company network . It didn’t show any popup . I dun have my mobile stick . I feel abit retarded.
I went to asked about certain stuff .I was given wonderful advice.

Do not seek trouble. Does a bird know that it is going to be shot when seeking wood, beware. Snake might bite one to great agony.
Shut down and grind your teeth, Mind your own business. I f you have evil desire, you are likely too hurt to yourself


So I had this evil desire to have Exxx and Lxxxx to me and I guess in the end , it is true they will hurt me . So I guess there are a lot of sankes around here.
I had t SHUT down and grind my teeth , and mind my own business . Yah I mind Eric business too much . I care too much .. And I thank Cindy who help me a lot to kick him out of my life ..Lifang did a lot too…jay had warned me not to be near him as he will burn me down with asshes. I had tried to did it for these 3 days even today I am in office and had a phone accessible . I told myself , I shall not let my mum , Cindy Soh , Shirleen , Lifang and my parents down ….

These golden words are important for me. The art of zen

I need a plan

I feel a sense of saddness knowing too much . The more I agreed that Woman tend to be the victim rather than man.
I realised that they are liar too. here saying no feel ,this and that . There they still go out with the so called no feel lady.

So i guess this time I should make a determination to end all these poisonous cancer cell and get on with my life strongly and bravely .

So where do I start now?
I need to find plans and something to do .

Look forward for..

Apply for furthering studies?

whatever...

我，不会问

我，不会问，不会提，难过了就一个人不停地走。我，不会​吵，不会闹，心痛了用沉默代替一切。我，不会哭，不会笑​，累了我就会消失一下。我知道，每条路都好难走，我知道​，我的那条路就注定了要坎坷。我知道，我不可以去强求任​何人。说好不再流泪就不会流，即使心再痛泪就在眼眶。这​条路，我一个人走

Time To get rid of all cancer cells

I had peace like the river ..

Something trigger me to do that .

No more pervert talk from that person .talking about breast cup size and sexual experience he had or he does self masturbation.
And then...
another..also buy buy ..
No more complaining I dun go out with him , and demand me this and that.

Suddenly there is so much peace.

I remember when I removed fat ass from my account . At first , it was painful .But then came , peacefulness for the whole month and forever..Till I allow these few jerks in my life to make my life upside down and sleepless in Singapore.

So Back to 1 ..focus on my job..
focus on my goals..
focus on helping others..
Focus on true friends.......

Well , I got rid of cancer cell in my facebook and msn...
Priase God