It is Kind of relief ....

Today I was gloomy earlier in the morning after I did something. LATELY ,I had a nasty addiction of clicking on someone facebook account (Stalking, I think,OPPS .) before I start a day . Then I get a bit depressed after viewing it . I had funny thoughts of how to get onto one heart .Then I saw some thing and I feel gloomy. Then during lunch, I went for my comfort food , Amos cookies . Double Chocolate .After I took my lunch , I feast on cookies . Oh … I will be miss lonely …Miss lonely …wait …
But first ..maybe should I admit that I am in love? IN love?

What can I say about love ?Like most of you out there,I don’t know how to blog love with words
I think suddenly someone of the same dream and same wavelength of me came in my life. I was glad he was there when I became a destructive bomb ready to break down. I was glad that he emphasized my feeling. I was glad that he was there for me. We could click .He was shy boy . I was shy too.But I consider him as a man of my dream..
COOL ROCKER(BON JOVI)
He was cool music man . I love band ,like Bon Jovi (Always love you),Scopions , November Rain , and mentallic ,Sanata ,Linkin Park . You can imagine him itself strumming the cool hot tunes .He Rocks. And thus he got a lot of fans . I thought a lot .. I thought of him playing on a cool bar and I taking the night candlestick and swaying to the wonderful tune. Yah . I love music . then I dreamt of me been 4NONBLONDE singing beside him .Yah .I used to dream to be part of a band . (blame the Japanese animation (KON) ,Scandol(Korean Band Team) Me with gothic mental design ,motorcycle leather jacket and a gothic make up..Yah ..Fad dreamer I am. I love music. My dad sent me off to music school(Yamaha) to let me learn classical music but I never made it . I was too frightened by my piano teacher who slap on my finger and expect me to have a crawled finger to play the notes. I stopped learning piano at grade 2 , PSLE was a great excuse for me not to learn piano anymore. So now I had a white elephant at my home .But I still can play “ Right here waiting “. As I memorized the notes.
Great Photographer
I owe a good camera DSLR .But I don’t know how to use it . for a period I went Gaga . Running to sentosa and snap and snap .But I never know how to use appertune and lighting and … People saw me carrying that sophisfacted camera. I dreamt to oneday be a photographer , capture artistic pictures and then would express more of me through the pictures . But I only used the automatic function. But I love snapping pictures as a pictures speak thousand words.
Same God
We share the same God. We are baptized. To be honest , I left God for a long while because I wonder where he was . why he was afflicting me ? Why am I So afflicted ?Why don’t I meet someone which can signified the holy communion of Christ and church ?Why ?Why ? But then meeting him change my view, God had things which I may not .
We had the same goals . We could encourage each other to live healthier and happier. I really hope there were someone whom I could exercise together . I had no courage to ask him yet .I don’t want to make him freak out by my outgoing and thinking I am extrovent gal . Actually I am very introvent and frightened like hell inside me .
HIS SUNSHINE.
He is always filled with a ray of sunshine and happy lucky going . Looking at the way he treated his family and friends and how he could just click with them , all the funny pose he make with them That make me admire him more .Because I wanted to be like him , having friends , playing with my electric guitar , kissing my parents at a big couch . I came from a tradition family we never believe in that kinda of family love .I don’t know why I feel he must had a warm wonderful family. I came from a closed tradition family where my dad would question me if I go out . I never been to camp , I never get to blast the guitar because my dad would yell that I should learn classical music . I guess for many parts …So I admired him a lot .day by day more by more . Am I childish ?Forgive me. The way he love his family . I think it must be good to be one of his family member . The problem is me .Am I good enough to be that ?That always question to me!
There is a greek proverb that say you cant hide love or cough . It is true when u are in love , you cant hide it . However ,most of us are well trained in hiding our feeling . Although “I love you are the most beautiful words to ever said (or heard) ,Is those three words which most of us are most afraid to blurt out why? What are we afraid of rejection? Or afraid that other person will laugh in my face.Yah I freaking frightened that he will laugh in my face.
When it come to confessing love, I make excuses like it is too early , or it is too late , or it is not right time, I better wait . Well ,today I choose not the prefect time to confess my feeling . Speaking as a lady , I am very afraid to think as I am trying flirt with a man , as to confess my love before he does .Because when a man confesses his love , he seem romantic ,but when we lady do , we seem desperate .But I tell you it is kind of relief .

OH …I am bashing with fear , ashameful of what I said to him just now .But It is kind of relief ….