epsoide of depression

Today after my work , a sudden turiol of pain came to me . Something trigger it ,things shouldnt be said was said , and then it was a state of continuous denial ,pain and anxiety and fear interspeded with periods of s ucidal depression . This time I alighted the bus at seng kang , run tearfully to temple and ask for divinine interven.Coz I am fed up with life and circumstance and everything.

When I alighted from my bus , filled with uncontrollable tears , a lady handed me a piece of tissue paper. She cares . Thank you to you . I want to express to her . I will see her again . I will return her flavour and kindness.

I had this feelings before ,but today it was more intense than it had been . The busy streets doesn’t sense my presence , I was like an alien trying to find my way through this street .

Everything , every words spoken and circumstances everything was made known to me sounded hostile , so alien , so painful , and so utterly meaningless that it created a deep loathing of the world . The most loathsome thing of all ,however was my existence. I felt . if only I am ... if only i could .

The main question :
What the point in continuing to live?
I could feel deep down I was longing for annihilation, for non existence , and revenge , was now becoming much stronger painful and fearful .

Then I become aware of what a peculiar thought it was .

I was gripped by fear .

I felt been sucked in void inside ne . I think by allowing the void suck me in .
Things will be better.

So I draft an farewell email to other . This time the pain was intense I think I couldnt make it maybe I would leave the world for soon .But the courage to die wasnt there . I say my goodbyes and got a few encouraging words from Jay
.
Jay told me reason not to allow the demon to overtake me, my mum also .but it is at those moment that u feel the void would remove your fear.
All words .. all the kindness, think about all the goodness i had in my life ...

There is a meaning in life ,. Is there?

Now I am more calmer. I will keep reading this alone and online msn chit chatting with encouraging friends.
I open a soft music and read all those good things .
these are a few affirmation I found .
you can use them .(LETTING GO and relase)
I let go and allow the higher plan for my life to unfold for me now.
Open up to happiness! Let spirit guide my life gently and tenderly toward
what is new.
As I let go, I create more space for fulfillment. I allow myself to be touched
deeply in places I have not known.
I build deep reserves of wholeness and faith to hold me through transitions.
I petition for assistance. Unburden my heart, relieve my mind, and transform
my life. Release me now.
I can demand the release of attachments and be fulfilled. The more I let go,
the more supported I am.
I give up! The past is over. It’s easier to let go and begin anew.
I am willing to choose self-appreciation even when I am disappointed.
It’s time to leave the past behind, embrace change and let new life flow in.
I accept the currents of life to be greater than my understanding. I am open
to change.
Let the depth of my being release attachments and move into higher
purpose.
Surrender I say! I want joy. I want peace. I want relief. Let it all go.
As I let go, I receive more of what I need.
Letting go becomes easier and easier the more I practice.
Forgiving and forgetting relieves me, and frees me.
I can glide through life freely, with joy and fullness of being.
I can let go and feel fully supported.
The perfection is revealed to me as I let go.
In my heart I know that letting go is good for me.
I relax into accepting what is. I absorb enjoyment and let it be mirrored
back in my life.