fear in me

As an depressed person , I used to live in fear .
FEAR to talk to people .
Fear to go out with people .
Fearful of everything .
Yesterday I got my taste of my favourite Macflurry . After enjoying it , I felt guilty and my mum start to yella t me to do laundry that caused me to miss my chit chat session with Superman. I think Superman is l like my miracle pill . I trying to reduce my anti depressant tablet and I always crowd his sms . I don’t know if he mind . But I think he is the man .
I think when I found a new friend indeed . I hope this will be start of beautiful friendship . Neverthless crazy me went to purchase a lot of books of interpersonal relationship . I had problem communicating ith guy . I can click easily with gals,but clicking with guys , I get nervous , tongue tied and my stomach grow butterfly . So I spend a lot of money on interpersonal relationship “Think like a man ,act like a lady” and a few Chinese books .Buddha thinking books and blah blah . It really make me broke for this month .
I enjoy talking with Superman because he is quite a gentleman and really wasn’t pushy . Sometimes u feel encouraged when u are sick and he would give a call and asked how are u as if he will bring you a doctor . What a kind gentleman he is . Responsible to take care of himself and also able to take care of others. But I wonder what kind of dream gal he desire . Someone who is independent . I am way off it . I am mummy and daddy gal . My dad feel strongly that I am still under him till I meet the prefect man which is able to take care of me , and I should report everything to that man . For this moment , I am living under his care, law and control . Whatever . That means my dad loved me a lot and he said that guy must love you a lot too .
Well , I am not independent and often clumsy , before I go for a date , I get into nervous jinx and wonder of all sorts of what if .
What if , he found me ugly .
What if , he found me naggy
What if , he found it is hard to communicate with me.
What if , he just want to get rid of me.
You know this chatterbox of mine love to filled myself with fears and then ended sleepless for the day and you would see the dark panda eyes the next day you see me. People would asked, are u nervous ? I would pretend .Nope . I am not .But actually I am nervous , frightened and tired.
So I hope I can enjoy myself and be cared by a wonderful man .Will My superman arrived?
That is for God to decided.

But I really wish to have a buddy to exercise with me today . I don’t know if I asked him if he want to join me in my jogging and exercise regime after work , would he mind? A cycling session or a jogging around park . I need someone to motivate me to live healthier , or play badminton or whatever.
Okay .For now , I will leave all these and panick for the coming events .