Thank God for letting Rev Answered my email

It is good that you are able to share your problems and feelings with others. That is what you ought to do when you feel depressed. Some people just keep all their problems to themselves and let it build up until it becomes too great for them to bear.

There are a few things that you can do to help yourself get out of depression:

1. Try to recall all the good things that have happened to you in the past. Lay aside the unpleasant memories and focus instead on things which clearly show God's love, help and provision for you, e.g. your graduation day, those precious moments when you were blessed or encouraged by friends.

2. As you recall these things, bring yourself to say, "I thank you and praise you, Lord" for each of them. Praise and thanksgiving lifts your heart upward and helps you to come to terms with every situation in life.

3. Acknowledge that God is the Lord of your life. Let Him have every right to do as He pleases with you from now on. King Nebuchadnezzar emerged out of 7 years of mental illness only when he looked up to God, praised Him and surrendered himself to God (Please read Daniel 4:28-37 for the full account of this)

4. Ask God to give you His perfect peace to calm your troubled heart. Meditate on these words of God's promises of peace:

Isaiah 26:3 - "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee."

John 14:27 - "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

John 16:33 - "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

Philippians 4:6-7 - "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Just as Jesus calmed the storm of the Sea of Galilee with the words, "Peace, be still" He can calm the storms in your heart. (see Mark 4:36-39)

5. Take a new notebook and jot down all your thoughts and feelings in it. Write them out like writing a letter to God, pouring out your soul to Him. Don't leave out anything that is troubling you. Tell Him honestly about any sin you have committed - admit all your mistakes to Him. The book of Lamentations in the Bible is such a record of Israel's sorrow, poured out to God.

A woman named Hannah was so burdened with personal trials that she could not eat. But she came to God's house and prayed to Him there and she was so intense in expressing her sorrow that the priest who saw her praying thought that she was drunk. But after she finished praying she left with a changed face - she was no more sad! and now she could eat. (Please read 1 Samuel 1:1-18 for the full account of this).

Geraldine, the way to get out of a downward spiral is to start taking some steps upward. Starting is always the hardest part to do. But once you get started, it becomes easier to take the next step.

The best thing you can do about people who make you feel worse or who have disappointed you because they have no empathy is to forgive them. Think of how Jesus forgave those who nailed Him to the cross (Luke 23:34) and Stephen forgave those who were stoning him to death (Acts 7:59,60). Forgiveness helps you to release yourself from being tormented by them.

If the breathing techniques you have learned from yoga do help you to sleep better at night, go ahead and use them. Better still, just before you apply these techniques, ask God to make them work for you. Good sleep is a gift from God (see Psalm 127:2).

May the Lord bless and help you.

in Christ,
Pastor Charles Seet

letters of mine to children and grandchildren

Last 9.i didnt took the new drug which doc gave.2day,i woke up late,n now rushing to my Omb u run at raffles place.i m vry late,8am.my rum shld start at 730am.well,children,it is better late than nvr.your grandmum,linda told me not to go 4 fear n out of concern for me.i sufferfd flu.
Well,children.i join marathons which measure to 12km.i did that in hope,i ll slim dwn for your dad to be interested in me.but i think it wasnt the case for his love for me.he love us for what we are. Another,i joined because of my depression.i m not sure would this mental torture skipped in your generations.if u do,i m so glad.if it doesnt,children,do despaired.u ll overcame it juz like your great grandmum,wong swe jee do.she been through it.i beem through it.the fact u r reading this means,i had 2 im order to bring u to this world.i will tell u wat i did,wat didnt work.

Dear grand children of mine,i decided to write u all this blog.i did that becoz i believe your existence.although there r times,i was brought to believe i ll nvr meet your grandpa.but at the writings of this,he hadnt arrived yet.maybe he juz nd time to find me.maybe i talked more about your great grandparents,alan and linda,and your grand uncle,eugene.

Date 27 feb 2011

26 feb 2011

I m fed up that my dad didnt offer to send me to thomson to see chinese sinseh,n i had to fork out money again to see the chinese sinseh.i was fed up for wat lan had told me about i was scolded very loudly bY d.and stating i join the wrong gang which r a bunch of jerks who r good im making use plpe at plpe highest,and then pulling plpe dwn whem at plpe lowest.so all my pain come following back.i shared my fears of not finding a job because chronic depression.but then i thought jim carey ,even abraham linolin,n all successful people overcome their depres$ions.

26 feb 2011

As i m worried tat i cldnt slp at 9 for my u run.thus i went to see the physciarist.n he prescribed a new medicine.i goggled about it,and it stated severe depression.at other google it talked about Ocd.I agreed on tat as i tend to be very compulsive in my spending..inside my mind,if i set my heart on it,i tend to must have.thk God,tat i didnt set my heart on lv bags.so does everybody had tis problem.yong said tis wife wanted a Lv so much.so can i gave the medicine to his wife.i admitted i had low threshold to stress,sensitivity to a slighest twinkle.i goggled about side effects,weight gain,low thyriod functions,siezures.i had restless leg symdrome.after so much,should i still stuff the staff through my throat,like a bloody frankistein?juz becoz i thought i already paid over 100 plus for it?i m just a wimp,am i?okay.maybe let me think in another way.wat is 100 over to the money i m going to spend rebuild my liver.okay.i make up my mind not to see the doctor anymore.but rely on my natural remedy.yes.i could do it.

Get well SOON ...

TODAY I was sick . My flu had gone full blown. SO I took a day off and send my company doctor . He said you had fighting a infection . Yah my nasal are blocked , I am having giddy spell .


But something kinda of surprise , I received a banquet of roses to wish me well.

Someone told me,"Isnt it romantic? Well , You are not a beauty ,but U sure got flowers from your secret admirer. You should be content ,accept the love .COmon gal ...blah blah blah ..."

I guess nobody really know me after all ...Sometimes I feel I am cold as steel ...is broken and as if I never heal ...

Well , Should I say,"Thanks for the rose ,the beautiful color of the red crimson petals which one tried to touch my cold cold heart . Thanks for effort .but nah It is not the question of accepting love as it come .but it is making sure he is the one and last .Maybe nobody believe in true love now. Yah . I feel no sense of why happiness can come to me. But I imagine oneday walking down in with my bridegroom in my wedding dress.

Someone tell me again,"No . Gal , U should thankful that someone love for for who u are . He didn’t want a beautiful lady , don’tm ind that u are suffering from depression . . . U should be happier and content .Use love to distract u from your doomday monster.hahahahah"

But the problem was when I couldn’t didn't love myself enough ,how am I to love others?I am trying hard to struggle and survive in this pool of destruction and pain. BTW ,I am living in the altas of my noonday demon . Nothing would cheer me up . Yesterday I got a big plan of taking ,furthering my studies ,but then all my parents came telling me . STOP BEEN AMBITIOUS . YAH … Guys , I really need something to distract me from my downward spiral , a reason to live on .

My parents don’t understand why I am in downward spiral .She think I am too free and thus I tend to think a lot and become wimpy and cries a lot . It is just when your life get run down . Sometimes U really feel it is cold as steel . And feel I am going to be broken that I never got to heal

I wanted something else noone know . I wanted a true love , I believe in true lasting love which bring happiness and joy to me and my partner.

Since I AM DOWN LATELY, I GO ON SHOPPING TO HEAL MYSELF .as usual WHEN I AM DISTURBED AND TROUBLED IN MY SOUL .
I brought a sketcher exercise slippery for me ,cost me 30 dollar , brought a few books( in relationship building) . I guess I need to know how to maintain relationship be the prefect woman for my future boyfriends . At least a book would keep my mind off the hopeless grim inside me.
Yesterday , S called . I was comforted and got a sense of excitement when he said he is doing IT too . and somore JAVA expert .He give a beautiful comment about me when I send him my company new year eve photo .He said I am beautiful . I felt hopeless swept over . I was thinking Thanks . I wanted to feel accepted and at least not most beautiful ,but sweet . I think my mum had always poison me saying how ugly I am ,and you know no-matter what my parents never believe in saying their daughter is beautiful .But she said I used to be very beautiful 2 year back , after I came back from Australia , I Balloon . Due to side effects of anti depressant . Don’t ask why I am so depressed. I think a lot , that a fact . I worry a lot . I feel a lot . That part of women .But for me I had more woman than others .That sensibility brought a lot of pain to myself and to others . That when the noonday monster slowly crept into me.
No I don’t accept you not because I am in deep depression . I don’t accept love till I know you are the one . And finding a true love is not easy . I don’t want to just hold on any buoy and love in this world sense. I hope to make my love last at least for a lifetime.
I went to volunteer for ASD . For dogs . I love DOGS . I love their eyes , how they can heal my soul .

I volunteer for kids, teaching kids too .But so far , I didnt have any assignment for this period .

So for my shopping spree ,
And then I brought COD LIVER OIL . it was known that COD liver oil mixed with DHA and OMEGA can help depressed person . As depressed people lack of Omega 3 .
So I just spend much on vitamins supplement again . I smuggled them home afraid my parents will make a fuss of it .
I think this month I exceed money buying BOOKS . Exercise Books( Galloway Marathon) and How to eat healthy ,…and a lot of books Over 300 . I know I went crazy when I go on spending spree .but Books would be at least good ,because I read them before my bedtime and then it knock me to sleep .
It taught me about supplements and exercise that will help me to slim down. I am obsessed with slimming back (wishing to be back where I used to be ) . able to be more confident.
I had gone into marathon racing . They said Running can keep depression and stress away . So I fighting it .It cost a lot to join marathon .But I think it will be well spent because when I go for marathon . I love it when a lot of people run together for a course (donation ) and you had a destination point for you to said you are done.
Last year , I overcome the longest was 12km .This year, I pushed myself to 21km . I am hoping for exercise buddy to appear in my life and we could train together.
But well , been solo is a blessing in jogging .
Thanks God for the beautiful roses you made …..
:

YAHOO TO GILL

Dear ZXZZZZZ
This unfortunately is part of life - we cannot change what other people think of us, we can only be happy in our own skins - God has given you the strength to seek help - a lot of people live terrible lives because they have no help with their depression. You do, and you are doing something about it - be ok with your life, and try and think less of what other people think.

Gill.

Thank God for a good friend like Gill

epsoide of depression

Today after my work , a sudden turiol of pain came to me . Something trigger it ,things shouldnt be said was said , and then it was a state of continuous denial ,pain and anxiety and fear interspeded with periods of s ucidal depression . This time I alighted the bus at seng kang , run tearfully to temple and ask for divinine interven.Coz I am fed up with life and circumstance and everything.

When I alighted from my bus , filled with uncontrollable tears , a lady handed me a piece of tissue paper. She cares . Thank you to you . I want to express to her . I will see her again . I will return her flavour and kindness.

I had this feelings before ,but today it was more intense than it had been . The busy streets doesn’t sense my presence , I was like an alien trying to find my way through this street .

Everything , every words spoken and circumstances everything was made known to me sounded hostile , so alien , so painful , and so utterly meaningless that it created a deep loathing of the world . The most loathsome thing of all ,however was my existence. I felt . if only I am ... if only i could .

The main question :
What the point in continuing to live?
I could feel deep down I was longing for annihilation, for non existence , and revenge , was now becoming much stronger painful and fearful .

Then I become aware of what a peculiar thought it was .

I was gripped by fear .

I felt been sucked in void inside ne . I think by allowing the void suck me in .
Things will be better.

So I draft an farewell email to other . This time the pain was intense I think I couldnt make it maybe I would leave the world for soon .But the courage to die wasnt there . I say my goodbyes and got a few encouraging words from Jay
.
Jay told me reason not to allow the demon to overtake me, my mum also .but it is at those moment that u feel the void would remove your fear.
All words .. all the kindness, think about all the goodness i had in my life ...

There is a meaning in life ,. Is there?

Now I am more calmer. I will keep reading this alone and online msn chit chatting with encouraging friends.
I open a soft music and read all those good things .
these are a few affirmation I found .
you can use them .(LETTING GO and relase)
I let go and allow the higher plan for my life to unfold for me now.
Open up to happiness! Let spirit guide my life gently and tenderly toward
what is new.
As I let go, I create more space for fulfillment. I allow myself to be touched
deeply in places I have not known.
I build deep reserves of wholeness and faith to hold me through transitions.
I petition for assistance. Unburden my heart, relieve my mind, and transform
my life. Release me now.
I can demand the release of attachments and be fulfilled. The more I let go,
the more supported I am.
I give up! The past is over. It’s easier to let go and begin anew.
I am willing to choose self-appreciation even when I am disappointed.
It’s time to leave the past behind, embrace change and let new life flow in.
I accept the currents of life to be greater than my understanding. I am open
to change.
Let the depth of my being release attachments and move into higher
purpose.
Surrender I say! I want joy. I want peace. I want relief. Let it all go.
As I let go, I receive more of what I need.
Letting go becomes easier and easier the more I practice.
Forgiving and forgetting relieves me, and frees me.
I can glide through life freely, with joy and fullness of being.
I can let go and feel fully supported.
The perfection is revealed to me as I let go.
In my heart I know that letting go is good for me.
I relax into accepting what is. I absorb enjoyment and let it be mirrored
back in my life.

"Hello World" by Lady Antebellum with lyrics

song FOR TODAY ...22TH FEB 2011 ............

Songs for The day 22th feb 2011 HELLO WORLD

How I feel today .
Just like this song life is really funny ...or dont know how life works... you could be gone in a minute. U never know ..depressed am i ...Crazy and Unfair life. Well thats the way God made it... it turns out okay in the end. Ask God...
.....
Hello World LADY ANTEBELLUM
Today song for the day .

Traffic crawls, cell phone calls
Talk video screams at me
Through my tinted window I see
A little girl, rust red minivan
She's got chocolate on her face
Got little hands, and she waves at me
Ya, she smiles at me

Hello world
How've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel cold as steel
Broken like I'm never gonna heal
I see a light, a little hope
In a little girl
Hello world

Every day I drive by
A little white church
It's got these little white crosses
Like angels in the yard
Maybe I should stop on in
Say a prayer
Maybe talk to God
Like he is here
Oh I know he is there
Ya, I know he's there

Hello world
How've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel
And broken like I'm never going to heal
I see a light
A little grace, a little faith unfurled
Hello world

Sometimes I forget what living's for
And I hear my life through my front door
And I'll be there
Oh I'm home again
I see my wife, little boy, little girl
Hello world
Hello world

All the empty disappears
I remember why I'm here
Just surrender and believe
I fall down on my knees
Oh hello world
Hello world
Hello world

sometimes i think I need a exercise partner

I trying to kick my addiction of someone in my life .

I trying to BLOCK HIM .
IGNORE HIM .
KEEP AWAY FROM HIM .
run away from him .

Because I don't want myself to be hurt by such insolence .
Thanks for Good friend . Jay .thanks for remind me that I still had to live .

But I am in abit darkness.
I was wishing for a friend who can really exercise with me . I hope someone .Even a gal who would motivate me to Exercise AND GET my butts out of my room and snap me out of this darkness.
Because sometimes when I go home , I feel I am in world of noise.
I think I find my family is NOT LOVING .
My family suxz .But whether they are or not . They arent . It is just within my brain.
then I wish someone would tell ,"Sure let go for a jog after work today ."

yah .................just a friend .God would you grant me a friend who willingly to motivate me in my fitness life .

God a friend is all i asked . Exercise partner .

Should I volunteer for animals?

I am hesitating as I should join ASD as volunteer .
I love DOGS .
But I think whenever I am told to dump my dog dung , I get mad . But I will still do it .

SO can I commit ? This question had been bugging my mind for a long period.
But I hate mankind of mistreating animals . I hate humankind of buying a dog and chaining it up to the kitchen and expect it behave .
I believe in saving all the dog in the world .No matter how vicious they are. They are after all mankind mistakes . We domestic wolves to be dog and viciously cut them off from our life.
I strongly hate when I see people mistreat their dog or even a stylist groomer touches accidentally my dog toes .

I GET MAD . I think I am ready to punch someone if I found one abusing animal. I cam bash and even kill I think .

Coz the last time , I was ready to fight my groomer when I found my dog was limping .
I love my dog very much .BUT I ALSO LOVE ALL OTHER DOGS .
I am afraid of this source of justice inside of me will blow up and i dont know kill someone .

So should I be volunteer?

DEPRESSION HURTS

Depression hurts.
It is black dog of the mind that robs you of joy .
The unquiet that keep you awake throughout the night.
It is the noonday demon that Only you can see .
The darkness visible only to you.
Yet ironically ,nothing reduced seem to help .
at least not for long .
the sad fact for the matter is once you been depressed
tend to remove even you been feeling better for months!

As this Blog is all about how to help myself in Overcoming depression

Here me without Depression .
I dont know why I was inconfident and always feel down . Nomatter how normal and friend say I am not UGLY .
Now
and here me currently ,increase in weight due to SSRI and this blog will be
journey how I walk through the valley of darkness. And I went into marathon
to help me fight my depression .






I used to live in fear of people knowing of I am depressed lady with sudial
intention andI fear of losing my job .
I also had wicked people who dig out my dark secret of my illness and
then joke if I would use my knife cultery during a lunchtime and kill him.
towards his insolence and childish , I learnt and strongly believe in
God prefect timing his retribution will come .Although I never understand
how he could continue his evil and wicked ways causing his best friend
to leave the company and then climb ontop of him .
It is not about him here. Well, It is about me.

I also turn out an increase of weight gain after on SSRI depressant on long term.
I seek medicial help and the cost is very hight for every theraphy session
How I struggled with depression .

How I was a low self esteem lady and because of my traditional up
bringing from my parents . Been Loved is not shown clearly and strict teaching is
brought in my life.

The struggle was tough where you find yourself
KILLING yourself for absurb reason that your working collegues make
a careless joke on you .
killing yourself when your boss say you are lousy ,
killing yourself when u are deny of a bonus which you think you had done nothing.
and many many reason .

There are times I guess it is not easy living with depression and
living with circumstances.
Some people used a bully approach to do that .
it make thier life feel better ,but they forgotten about thier bully approach
may deny them blessing of other .

So a proverb say , "Beware of other is a must ,but attacking and hurting other
heart ,one shouldnt have."

So I struggled with 10KG Gain of weight .









I get views that I will never find any bf because of my size and when people know
I am SSRI , people will run away from me , and many chances would be deny from me.

How true .Let ctd this walk with this blog and in hope people who are going
through what I am going , and may not know about this illness will come here
and exchange ideas,share thier views and encourage each other and build
a friendship by our trouble in life and encourage you to walk through
the dark valley of despair.
WE ARE NOT USELESS .
WE ARE CONTROLLED BY WHAT PEOPLE SAY
WE ARE NOT WE THINK WE ARE .


I tried ways in helping myself .
EXERCISE(A must for all depressed people)
Dieting
Supplements -OMEGA -DHA
CBT-
Prayer ( Talking with God) .

withdrawal from SSRI symptoms

Found when I decrease the SSRI dosage . My sleep is disturbed. I become INSOMIA and been waking up at 2 am and then taking Atarix to help me to get some sleep .

Poor immunity .
What should I do?

Depression is a long Journey

As it was learned for DHA could help to fight depression so I brought Brain Speed from GNC .
It is stated fish oil also help to fight depression .
Depression is a long journey .

I will asking my Doctor to change the medicine . Actually very confused and fearful about it .

Read the book . Feel Good factor . This is a good book .

Forgetting everything

I wake up forgetting what is password to my office NOTEBOOK .
THIS IS FEAR and Paranoid and nervous that came out from nowhere.